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Journey To the Finish Line

PR's, 4 children, hopes and dreams; I'm always running after something

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pregnant after IVF

Alien Blueberries and Other Early Pregnancy Tidbits

If you are going by “conception date”, i.e. the day my eggs and Bryan’s sperm fertilized in a petri dish (how romantic – do you think they kissed or held hands first or just went at it?), I am 7 weeks pregnant today.

I still wouldn’t believe it were twins if it weren’t for the ultrasound, and the fact that I already look as though I’ve eaten a bit too much pizza. In my teens and early twenties this would have sent me into a tizzy of exercise and diet but today I’ve never been happier to look like I am pizza’s number one fan. (GO PIZZA!)

I’ve still been a bit gun shy about this whole thing, but after last weeks’ ultrasound I finally downloaded a few pregnancy apps on my phone. It’s been fun and interesting to track week to week (well, 6 to 7 since I’ve only had them a week) and read some of the daily tips, except for the fact that every.single.app talks about how ” well you probably don’t feel pregnant until you vomit up your lunch”. Oh, and those most likely to be sick? Those pregnant with multiples. I feel like an anomaly.

I know that some don’t get morning sickness until later, and I may be eating these words in the next few weeks, who knows. Or rather, vomiting them. But so far I have been blissfully morning sickness free. The only problem with this is that it makes me worry there is something wrong, despite that fact that PLENTY of women ( and one I know who had twins in fact) didn’t have any morning sickness. I do have a bit of nausea if I don’t eat frequently enough, but I don’t think that counts.

For a size comparison, a 6 weeks the embryo is about the size of a grain of rice. At 7 weeks its a blueberry. At 7 weeks vital organs are forming. Ears, eyes, arm and leg buds. It’s crazy. I remember learning in school about the development of the ears/mouth etc and how an issue like cleft palate was likely due to an issue with development in the first few weeks of pregnancy, but now that it’s actually happening it’s even crazier.

But it looks like an alien. For real. This is one apps’ depiction:

Hello alien baby, er, babies

Man I hope I don’t have nightmares about birthing aliens now. Alien blueberries.

I still worry- namely about the 8 week ultrasound, because I’ve seen the stories out there about babies with heartbeats at 6 week ultrasounds and no heartbeats at 8 week ultrasounds. This is the biggest hump for me right now. From what I understand though, the worry never stops, not even after you give birth. One mom simply told me “welcome to motherhood”.

Well damn.

Bryan already talks to them. He kissed my stomach when he left to go back out of town. No matter how detached I try to stay “just in case”, I already love them. We both do. Please, alien blueberries, continue to grow and be healthy.

I will buy you both a pony.

An Ode to Rollercoasters (metaphorically speaking)

The roller coaster ride does not end when you find out you are pregnant.

The last few weeks (and probably still for the next upcoming few) have been a mix of emotions including (this list is not all inclusive) joy, anxiety, worry, peace, happiness, fear, panic. Not to mention that I feel a little between two worlds with this blog right now – hovering between the realms of infertility and pregnancy. My intention has always been to keep writing about the journey no matter where it took us, pregnancy included. I just haven’t quite figured out how to do it – how to share the pregnancy journey while staying sensitive to those still battling. I’ve started to read blogs and be completely at a loss for words as to how to comment because I simply do not feel like I truly belong in either category.

At times I find myself thinking about a future baby shower, a growing belly (which, by the way, is already pooch-y), feeling the first kicks. Then I begin to panic when I wonder if we are equipped mentally and financially for TWO babies. (must.buy.two.of.everything! must.save.all.the.money!). Then I tell myself to stop getting too far ahead when we could still lose one…or both, and then I begin to picture the worst case scenario. It’s exhausting. Sometimes I am thankful for mild symptoms because it allows me to put it out of my head for bit when I’m making myself crazy (other than the constant eating and trips to the bathroom, anyway).  But other times it makes me worry something is wrong. And I think about blogging but stop myself because I don’t want it to sound like I’m complaining. Or that I am not thrilled. I am not trying to complain. I AM thrilled.This is just the way it is.

ADD brain doesn’t help – a couple days ago I put gas in my car and forgot to put the cap back on. Luckily Bryan was with me, noticed, and fixed it before I drove away with the gas cap dangling in wind.  I can now totally appreciate the fact that my gas cap is attached (I have NEVER done this before either!)

So to you, crazy emotions, An Ode:

Hooray, I am pregnant!

Holy shit, there’s two!

Man, I sure am hungry

Can I steal a bite from you?

Oh my can we afford this?

Don’t think too far ahead

The thought of something going wrong

It fills my heart with dread

The though of little heartbeats, though

That fills my heart with glee

I promise I’ll enjoy this

Just as soon as I go pee

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