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Journey To the Finish Line

PR's, 4 children, hopes and dreams; I'm always running after something

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mental health

Olympic Distance Triathlon Training – Week 8

Though I haven’t technically been following the training plan since the beginning, week 8 marks the halfway point.

Sunday: Ride 2 hours 2 minutes (42.2 miles). I really enjoy having a good group to ride with – they really push me in terms of both distance and speed and I’m finding I can go farther and faster than I thought I’d be able to. I kept up with the fast part of the group this ride and even pulled (led) a couple of times at over 20mph. It wasn’t for a long distance, but it does show me I am capable of hanging with the big dogs!

check out those speeds!
check out those speeds!

Monday: Run 40 minutes (4.25 miles) on the tread mill. Treadmills are still not my favorite but its been so freaking HOT here that I’d rather run on the hamster wheel lately. I felt like I was fighting a cold and my legs were still a little jello-y from the ride Sunday so I took it easy.

Tuesday: Run 35 minutes (4 miles) on the treadmill. 1 mile warm up, then 3×800 at a little less than goal 5k pace (7:03) with a half mile recovery in between, then cool down.

Wednesday rest day. I had planned to take the twins to the track, but at “feels like” temp of 102 at 6 pm, I decided against it. Plus, I didn’t really need the time anyway. I did, however, get the go ahead to swim at my 2 week post LASIK check! WOO HOO!

Thursday– SWIM (!) 35 minutes (1200 meters) and spin class (it rained). My endurance did go down a bit after not swimming for almost 2 weeks. I was more tired after 35 minutes than I would have liked, but I didn’t forget how to swim, so that was a bonus. Best of all, I COULD SEE THE END OF THE POOL!

my camera can see the other end, and now I can too!
my camera can see the other end, and now I can too!

Friday: rest day. The nice thing about a long working early in the week and a shorter week hours wise is 2 rest days!

Saturday: Swim 25 minutes (1000 yards). I did one 600 yard run (the sprint distance) and practiced some sighting. The concept of open water still makes me nervous, but I’m ready as I’m ever going to be.

Tomorrow is the first sprint for me this season ( I got a late start). Wish me luck!

Totals: 

Planned/(Actual)

Swim: 2 hours 19 minutes/ (55 minutes)

Bike: 1 hour 52 minutes/ (3 hours, 2 minutes)

Run: 56 minutes/ (1 hour 15 minutes)

5 hours 7 minutes (5 hours 13 minutes)

Next Week:

Swim: 2 hours 19 minutes

Bike: 3 hours 7 minutes

Run: 1 hour 33 minutes

Share Your Passion

While you wait on the edge of your seat for my Myrtle Beach Mini Marathon (and mini vacation with lots of pictures) recap, head on over to read my guest post for her theme Share Your Passion (mine is running, perhaps not shockingly) at This Crazy Cass Life.

While you’re at it, wish her luck on her upcoming PhD dissertation defense!

Thoughts On the Mat

I pulled out my trusty yoga mat yesterday. I’ve been practicing once a week regularly since my injury and have only recently become comfortable enough with the routines (I use you tube videos) and strong enough to really appreciate the benefits of many of the poses.

A competitive person by nature (shock, I know), when I practiced yoga in college I was always trying to be able to do what the person next to me was doing. A few *cough* years later, I can finally appreciate the idea of practicing only for my own benefit without worrying where others are in their own practice. A few weeks ago I finally managed a headstand with both feet up in the air, but it was still several more weeks before I wasn’t fighting my weak abs and really understood why people want to “get upside down”.

I’m proud that I’ve come this far, but I still have a consistent, nagging battle that I fight, both on the mat and off. In all the classes I have taken (in person and on you tube), the instructor often talks about the importance of being present on the mat. That means simply being where you are, right then, and not worrying or thinking about anything else. I constantly have a million things running through my mind. No matter what I’m doing, I’m thinking about what needs to be done, what is next on the list, what has been left undone. I’m checking my text messages and my emails. I’m thinking of dirty dishes, the next days work schedule, the next mornings’ workout, calculating how much time I have before nap is over so I can complete said to do list.

I can write an entire blog about thoughts on the mat because I am horrible about keeping my mind from wandering. What I’d really like is to be able to title my blog post “Thoughts On the Mat” and simply leave the body blank. And it’s not just in yoga that I have this issue, it’s with the twins, with my husband, with my friends, at work, in bed when I should be sleeping. Every minute of every day.

Every once in awhile I’m able to really focus on the music, concentrate on my breathing, and put all of my energy into my pose. For those few seconds, I am calm, relaxed and, at the risk of sounding corny, zen.

I wonder how many things I am missing. How many little moments with the twins I let slip away or openings for a heart to heart with Bryan I let slide by. I’m afraid I’m going to spend all my time in the future, and wake up one morning and realize I’ve missed my life.

Anyone out there good at staying present?

Let’s Be Honest: I Think I’m Spoiled

(It wasn’t my intention to make this part of the honesty theme, but as I started to type it out it fit. So, I guess I’m starting.)

With a mere 5 months of motherhood under my belt, I’m certainly no expert. I still consider myself a new mom, but find myself offering advice to “newer” moms. One of the most important bits of advice I throw out there is to make sure you have time for yourself.

I’m not honestly sure where I learned this. My mom was a stay at home mom that didn’t have a ton of activities outside of us that I can recall (not that this is a bad thing, I simply don’t remember). Maybe its just because in my experience of watching over the years I’ve found moms have one thing in common: they are often exhausted. I for one am someone who is constantly involved in something as I feel like I need it to recharge. So, I offer the advice with the justification that a happier you will equal a better mom.

Over the last few weeks I’ve noticed something: I’m tired. I’m edgy. I’m more quickly annoyed and more easily bothered. Sure, months of broken sleep could definitely be a factor, but it feels like a different kind of exhaustion. It’s bothered me because even as I write this I still can’t quite put a finger on the cause. I don’t feel overwhelmed by work or the time I spend at home. Bryan happily takes over so I can exercise or go out and when he can’t I take them with me or give them toys while I spend 30 minutes on the elliptical. I still have a few outside activities. My house is only a half disaster.

There are many people out there who believe that once you have children, they are to become the focus. The problem with that theory, I think, is that it wears you out when you spend ALL of your energy on something other than yourself or your relationship. In fact, even the Babywise book has a section about taking time with your spouse in order to keep your relationship healthy.

Yesterday Bryan told the babies that they were his 2 favorite people in the world. Pretending to be insulted, I asked where I fit in, to which he responded “if given the choice between them and me, wouldn’t you choose them?”.

In a way, I think I already have.

It’s a bit ironic because I can easily name 3 activities that I participate in that allows me to be me without having to be mom. At least a few times a week I’m able to have some time to recharge. I realize that have what many (both moms and non moms) would love to have. I am very grateful for that. The problem is that while I can get my BODY away, I can’t seem to say the same for my BRAIN. And completely unnecessary GUILT and WORRY.

Am I making sure the babies get enough sleep (at least what’s under my control)? Are they really ok in day care? Am I letting Bryan have enough time away? My house is a mess! There is stuff everywhere! Can we really afford this toy/trip/necessary or unnecessary expense? Boy I hope the babies will take a nap. Uh oh, did I just hear a baby cry/whimper/squeal? There is just so much to DO. And for some reason I feel like I need to be able to do it all.

The original intent of this post was to say I should try to find a way to heed my own advice in my brain, not just my body, but as I type this out, I feel a little like a spoiled brat. I have a nice balance when it comes to working/staying home, I have time to do things I want/need to do (at least most of the time), a husband who is happy to help…and yet I feel tired and grumpy. Annoyed over things that aren’t done. And for what?

Maybe its just a phase. Maybe it’s a new mom thing. Or maybe the real issue isn’t time or guilt or my brain. Maybe my expectations aren’t realistic. Maybe I’m being a little (or more than a little) ridiculous. Maybe the real issue is that I need to get my head out of my butt. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that to myself – that sometimes my problems are self created. That sometimes I am the problem.

Okay, me. It’s just you and…well, me.

 

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