Share Your Passion

While you wait on the edge of your seat for my Myrtle Beach Mini Marathon (and mini vacation with lots of pictures) recap, head on over to read my guest post for her theme Share Your Passion (mine is running, perhaps not shockingly) at This Crazy Cass Life.

While you’re at it, wish her luck on her upcoming PhD dissertation defense!

Let’s Be Honest: Running Through Infertility

So my guest posting idea kinda went by the wayside for awhile and so I’m hoping I can use this post to start again. Today’s post comes from a good blogger friend who blogs about her struggles with infertility at Dog Mom Chasing the Stork. I was particularly excited about her post because running was a way I dealt with infertility myself.

Running Through Infertility

We all know how stressful and all-consuming infertility tends to be, so I’m not going to explain the toll it takes on your emotional health. I will tell you what infertility did to me and how I chose to regain my sanity. My story is slightly unique in the IF World. I have known for years that having a biological child would be difficult for me. I was diagnosed with endometriosis in my early 20’s and told that I had a maximum of 5 years left before my chances to conceive naturally would diminish.  Then at age 26, I no longer had a period and after testing, I learned I was not ovulating. Even with that information, the month that I married Hubster I didn’t refill my birth control pills and we “tossed caution to the wind,” thinking there might be a slight chance that I would get pregnant right away, like so many couples do. Eve though I knew better, I still hoped. Months passed, yet I still hoped and hoped and hoped…and continue to still hope that we’ll make a beautiful baby each and every month we have been trying. However, along with that hope I carry an intense amount of guilt, frustration and anger. I feel guilty for making this process so hard for Hubster, because he is such an amazing man who yearns to be a parent as much (or more) as me. I don’t need to explain the frustrations, but I think mine mostly stem from my lack of ability to control the situation. And, finally, I have felt so much anger. I have been angry at myself, Hubster, God and people who become pregnant easily or on accident. Sometimes I have even become angry at those who dealt with infertility and got their miracles. I was also very angry with my body. My body let me down every month over and over. Not only was it losing the battle against IF, but the fight made it start getting fatter and my fight against adult acne became a losing battle. Finally, I was at the end of my rope.

So I ran. Literally.

I used to run when I was younger, because while I loved all sports, I was too uncoordinated to be very good at them. But you don’t have to be coordinated to run. You just do it.  I excelled at running, and at times, I found it to be the only thing that made me feel good about myself. I thought it was the only thing I could even remotely brag about. It was the only thing that I could do better than most. In retrospect, I am not really sure why I stopped when I got older.

After struggling with weight gain while in the pits of Infertility Hell for several months, I decided to start running again, and a funny thing happened — I could breathe. Running released endorphins that reminded me that life can go on and I can be happy.

So I continued to run.

Well, as long as my ovaries weren’t being stimulated to actually produce mature eggs, since apparently, the weight of a stimulated ovary can cause it to flip over on itself, which is all bad As long as it was physically possible, I tried to run. I realized that running was saving me from my obsessive, demeaning, frantic, and catastrophic thoughts. When I ran, I could think through my worries and start finding the silver lining. The negative and greatly oppressive thoughts that overtook my mind constantly were released and my mind would return to the optimistic place it usually was. I would focus on my form instead of the week’s drug protocol. I would feel the strength in my legs and forget about the Clomid Chub I had inherited. I looked for my next landmark goal to keep me running when I wanted to quit and remind myself that I can also continue our babymaking journey.

After a while, I began to feel the need for a bigger challenge. Yes, I was proud of my body for losing weight while still taking Clomid and trigger shots, but I could always run enough to lose a few pounds. Anyone could. No, I needed a real challenge. Something that would make me fall in love with my body again. Something that, while in the deepest depths of Infertility Hell, would remind me of all my body is truly capable of. Since I had already run several 5k’s, 10k’s and even a half marathon with little training, I decided to go for the gusto and sign up for my first marathon. I know it’s a seemingly overwhelming feat most people don’t even attempt, but my opinion is that people just don’t realize what they’re capable of. And if my mom, at age 52, could run her very first marathon, so could I!

And that’s when I realized training provided me the perfect distraction during my TWW and a healthier outlet for my obsessive nature. I was no longer obsessing about cycle days or syringes. I was fervently researching marathons and planning my training schedule. Instead of constantly checking my calendar for possible conflicts with Baby Dancing days, I was looking for conflicts with my scheduled Long Runs. And then Hubster and I went through a 2^nd and possibly 3^rd chemical pregnancies so we decided to take a break from TTC. At this point we had been actively trying (with treatments) for almost 2 years and we needed some time off – as a couple and as individuals.

Training for my first marathon required commitment, dedication, strength and sacrifice. All of these were the same components necessary to battle through Infertility, so I did well. I missed training runs here and there, but for the most part I did a great job preparing and the day before my period was due, I ran and completed my first marathon. It was hard not meeting my target time and felt very discouraged with my lack of mental toughness.

Once I got over the disappointment of missing my goal time, I gradually realized why so many people don’t run marathons — It is hard. It’s the hardest on your mind. Especially those last miles that you don’t run in training and at the race I competed in. I would literally go a mile or two without seeing anyone. No runners and no spectators. It was me alone with my tired mind and body. But I finished. I didn’t give up and that reminded me that I didn’t really want to give up on TTC. I needed that short break and the race to remind me how tough I truly am mentally and how well my body was truly made.

That was almost one year ago.

We still have no baby, but we are still trying and I am still running. In fact, Hubster was inspired to train for and compete in his first triathlon. This allowed him a release that he needed and gave our relationship more balance. We didn’t realize our relationship needed this, but it did. I felt guilty for always being too tired, crabby and sore to do a lot of chores around the house while on Clomid and after triggering. And then I felt guilty from being too tired and sore from training to do those chores. But once the focus was on Hubster’s triathlon, the tables turned and I was able to take better care of him. He felt more cherished and I felt more useful. We also began to run and ride more often together, which became a nice way to bond without the pressures and worries of TTC.

I also noticed I was feeling better emotionally and my PMS Rage was gone. And then I noticed my cramping, headaches and breast tenderness that came with the onset of my period were absent. After a couple of months I began to worry that the supplements I began taking in lieu of Clomid were no longer working and I would have amenorrhea again. But all of a sudden a light bulb lit up in my head and I researched whether running was soothing my crazy Endometriosis PMS symptoms, and sure enough, it was!

Researchers have found that running releases dopamine, which is the “feel good” chemical in your brain. This combats mood swings since your dopamine levels drop before your period starts. Also, it increases progesterone, which low progesterone levels is the culprit for breast tenderness and headaches. Running also helps to kick your PMS-depression, ease cramps and prevent excess weight gain. This meant that I found something healthy and productive to distract me from my obsessive symptom-spotting and stick-peeing for the last several days of my cycle. I focused on running.

Now that I’ve told you some of the reasons I run through Infertility, I do feel I should mention some more obvious reasons. Running is good for maintaining healthy bodies. Even those IFers who are blessed with naturally thin bodies find themselves taking on a fuller shape after beginning treatments. Running can help combat those hormonal weight gains. Some of us come to the Infertility Jungle overweight. Less sensitive doctors may come right out and encourage IFers to lose weight at the get-go, but others don’t. They test and encourage IFers to TTC for several months before gently sliding down that rabbit hole. Running can help get your body into optimal Babymaking shape. Whatever your body type, I guarantee after going through at least a few months of fertility meds, your body is probably not where you’d like it to be and running can help with that.

So how do you start? If you’re already in good shape and have been following a regular cardiovascular routine, I would start with the Couch 2 5k program. There’s a smart phone app with audio coaching that is really helpful. The program has you walk/jog a few times a week and slowly increases your running duration throughout the training cycle. Within 9 weeks, anyone will be able to run 3.1 miles.

If you haven’t followed any exercise program recently, start with walking. Slowly work up to walking one hour a day at least 5 days a week. And then you can gradually increase your pace. When you feel comfortable and your doctor has cleared you to walk/jog, start the C25k program and start noticing the positive changes happening in your body and your mind. Encourage your partner to join you for some of your workouts and notice the intimacy that follows.

Thanks for reading and let me know how running has affected your journey. I’d love to hear from you!

I’d still love more guest posts! For more info, visit the Guest Posts tab!

Let’s Be Honest – “Just” Adopting is Easier Said Than Done

I’m really excited about today’s guest post from my friend Trisha. She and her husband have been through a great deal in their journey to become a family. Recently, they adopted their little girl. I know that I have often heard the phrase “just adopt”, and while it is often well intentioned, is simply not that easy. It was a topic that was difficult for me to explain because I had not been through it, but Trisha explains the ups and downs quite well. You can visit her blog at The Elusive Second Line.

It’s a phrase that every infertile has heard, “Why don’t you just adopt?”. Those words are the go-to answer when someone finds out you are having trouble getting pregnant. Adoption, it seems, should be the magical answer to all our problems! Hey just go fill out some papers, pick out your kid, and BAM! Instant family.

But it is not a fairy tale ending. And it is far from easy. There are many different factors that one has to deal with when approaching the adoption path.

Factor One. Something I hear often frustrates me beyond anything else. I hear people say that those who can’t get pregnant should adopt rather than seek fertility treatments because there are so many children that need good homes. They are not wrong about there being many children out there without families, but what I fail to understand is why, as infertile, it is my responsibility to save those children.

Maybe that sounds wrong, but let me explain. There are a lot of children in the foster care system, that is a fact. But what so many people fail to understand is that the goal of foster care is to eventually reunite those children with their biological families. When you become a foster parent you take those children into your home and care for them for an unknown period of time. These children may become available for adoption, or they may not. Then they are moved out of your home and you are back at square one. We briefly looked into the foster care system and were told that if we wanted to adopt a child under the age of two that there was a good chance that would eventually happen, however it was also very likely that we would foster 5 or more children before one came available for adoption. So we would take these children, care for them, love them, and then lose them. Of course it is a wonderful thing that these kids will be reunited with their biological families, but where does that leave the foster families? Still waiting for their baby and hurting as each child is taken away.

Older children are a little easier. They are usually fast tracked to adoption. But first they are bounced around from foster family to foster family. That is emotionally damaging to a child. Not to mention whatever damage they may have received from their original home environment. I greatly admire people who adopt older children from the foster system. It is a truly wonderful thing to do. But it is HARD. I worked with a few kids who were adopted out of the system at one point. They were lovely, smart, fun children. But they were damaged. Their parents have their hands full trying to repair these children through love and understanding. It’s not an easy path to follow.

So my point is, why, as an infertile, are these children my responsiblity? Because my body can’t produce a child without medical intervention I am obligated to save these children and forfeit a biological child of my own? I don’t think so. Fertile people have just as much obligation to these kids. Just because they have working plumbing does not excuse them from responsibility of taking care of the next generation.

Factor Two. “There are so many children that need good homes”. I’ve already agreed with this statement when it comes to the foster care system, however most children within the foster care system are older. So what if I don’t feel prepared to take on a 7-year-old? What if I need a baby? Those are hard to come by in the foster care system, and most of them are reunited with a family member. So your only other option for an infant is private adoption.

Regardless to what people may think, there is not a stock pile of babies somewhere and when you decide to adopt you just fill out the forms and they hand one over. It is a long process and it is competitive. The average wait for a newborn in the United States is 2 years. You can go international but in my research I found that the wait is just as long, the process is harder, and usually you do not get the child till they are at least 6 months old.

I for one needed a baby. I had suffered through 4 pregnancy losses when we decided to adopt. I was terrified that because of how emotionally detached I was after the miscarriages that I would have a hard time bonding with an adopted child. I knew that I need to get that baby as early into their lives as possible. I needed to feel like they were mine from the beginning. I was damaged and needed to have things done a certain way.

We got lucky. We found an agency that had many African-American birth moms in a predominately White state. Not as many families were willing to take a full Black child, which narrowed down our competition considerably. Is that wrong? It is certainly sad to me. But really I can’t fault someone for making such a personal choice about their family. I grew up with adopted cousins of all different races, so it was never an issue for us. Because we were willing to take a child of any race were selected extremely fast. We only waited 2 weeks after being approved (which took around 8 months) before we were selected to become the parents of a little girl. On August 30th, 2013 our little Muppet was born. She has become my universe and I couldn’t love her more even if she had been born from my body. But our story is the rarity. I know many couples who were in the process much longer than us and are still waiting to be picked. For every 1 baby that is given up for adoption, there are 36 couples waiting. Not as easy as it seems, huh?

Factor Three. Private adoption is expensive. Like REALLY expensive. Home studies, background checks, agency fees, birth mom expenses, lawyer fees, court costs, and post placement visits all come out of your pocket. There are a few ways around some of the costs but they are rare. Say you are able to find a birth mom without agency involvement. This can significantly reduce your costs. You would just have to all the prerequisite costs (home study, background checks, ect), lawyer and court costs, and any medical costs that you agree upon with your birth mom. If she has insurance, score for you!

But in my opinion this is a riskier route. Yes the agency fees were the majority of our costs, but because we went through them I felt that our placement was very low risk. Through the agency our birth mom received a lot of counseling, she also had a case worker that was with her pretty much every day so if any problems or concerns did come up, there was someone there to help her through it. We always knew what was going on with her and that brought a lot of piece of mind.

I had a good experience with our agency and would recommend them. But that doesn’t change how much money an agency adoption costs. We had a fundraiser done in our name to help us come up with the money for our adoption. The generosity of people was overwhelming and made me so grateful for the people in our lives. Not everyone has this option though. To come up with the money out-of-pocket is very difficult, I’ve heard of many people having to take out 2nd mortgages on their homes or take out loans just to pay the fees. I was talking about this to someone once and they said “Why do you have to pay so much? You are taking a child and giving it a home why should you have to pay?”. I’m not saying I agree with this statement but the fact is not everyone has the option to pursue adoption because of the cost. In some ways fertility treatment can be cheaper which is horribly depressing.

Factor Four. There is a sense of loss when you give up the idea of biological children and decide to adopt. This is one thing that I think people who have never had problems with fertility just do not understand. It is a loss. For so long you picture this perfect pregnancy and a perfect baby that looks just like you. All around you everyone else gets to have this, so why don’t you? Adoption is an incredible gift to those of us whose bodies refuse to grant us offspring, but that is not always the easiest thing to accept. Before I was married I told my husband that I wanted to adopt one day. It has always been part of my family and something that I truly believed in, yet it took me 2+ years, 4 losses, and 2 emergency surgeries before I finally gave into the idea of adopting. I never would have thought that back in my innocent years.

I had to mourn the loss of the possibility that I may never have biological children. Yes, mourn. There was so much sadness and anger about this inside of me. Why me? I asked that more times than I could possible say. But I did grief and accept my situation. And then I fell in love with adoption.

This post may seem like I have a lot of negative feelings towards adoption, but I don’t. It has been the most amazing, magical, humbling thing to ever happen to me. I wouldn’t change a thing about my journey to a family. All though it was filled with so much hurt it led me to the most beautiful little girl that I have the privilege of calling my daughter. What I want people to take from this is how big of a life changing thing adoption is. Next time someone says to you “Why don’t you just adopt?” Instead of ignoring them, tell them. Tell them what it really means to adopt. Because the biggest thing I’ve found through this whole thing is how uneducated our society is about adoption.

Whether your path leads you down this road our not, I hope that it can at least open a few eyes and hearts to what adoption can be like. I sincerely hope it doesn’t scare anyone away from this process because honestly…it saved my life. For how many difficult factors are involved in adoption, there are 3x more positive ones. If I were to write a post about the joys of adoption, you would be reading for a very long time. Instead though, I wanted to write about the harsher realities of the process. I would encourage anyone considering starting the process to dig deep and get all the information you can. Nothing will benefit you more than knowing exactly what you are getting into.

And if you do decide to go this route to your family, I wish you all the luck in the world. It will be a frustrating, emotional, and difficult journey. But if you can survive it, you will receive the most wonderful gift anyone could ever give.

I’d love to hear from more of you – if you’d like to write a guest post info can be found here

Let’s Be Honest: I’d Like to have Harry Potter(ish) Powers

Today I’m happy to share my second (woo hoo!) guest post, courtesy of Valerie. You can check out her blog here: Atlanta Mom of Three

First off, a little about me…

I’m am happily married with three children; we hope to eventually make that five children, but we’ll have to wait and see what happens! We homeschool and it’s really just a way of life for us. We enjoy it but it’s a lot of planning for me, because I am stubborn and refuse to buy a boxed curriculum – haha. We live just south of Atlanta, Georgia in a home far too small for our growing family, but it keeps us “together”. 😉

Oh! Did I mention I am Harry Potter fan?! Well, not the books. No, sadly I’ve only watched the movies, but maybe one day I’ll get around to reading the outstanding novels. Anyway, I love the movies (mostly), and I thought it’d be fun to put myself in the story, so to speak, and choose some powers that I’d use if I had them.

As much as I love being a stay at home mom and homeschooling and all that, there are some days I’d love to cast a spell and change things!

For example, at 2pm or so each day, I’d love to make a potion with this and that plus one of Samuel’s little two year-old’s hairs and POOF! I’d get to be him and take a nap! Right?! Skip additional school lessons, and dinner prep. Naptime, it is!

And what about Hermoine’s spell to be in more than one place at once? I could SOO use that one! I would be taking a constant shower, as well as watching Downton Abbey and writing blog posts. And then, of course, there’d be the me that does the laundry, teaching and cooking. We’d “all” be happy.

Harry got treated for a broken (well, dissolved really) arm; he had to have a new one grown for him! Wouldn’t a magic boo-boo fixer spell be amazing to have as a mother?! Oh, it would be great to be able treat cuts, bumps, and even breaks. Oh well, guess we’ll have to stick with kisses and bandaids.

What about a spell to make junk food healthy? That would be ideal. Junk food is cheaper, more convenient and – come on, YUMMY! But, we all know it’s terrible for the body, so we’ll just flick the wrist while holding our wand and Voila! a healthy Big Mac. Are you with me?

And lastly, I’d love to be able to do what Voldemort did and place pieces of my soul in different things (I believe he called them horcruxes?) Yeah – Oh wait. I’ve already done that! My husband Stephen definitely has part of me, and our three children do too. Well, I guess that’s a magical power we all have, even if we are only muggles. ;

Conceivable Options (A Guest Post)

I promise an update of my own soon, but between a crazy schedule, some bad news (not infertility related) and a couple days of Lupron induced headache/tiredness, its been difficult to get my brain together.

I joined the world of Twitter a few months ago in attempt to meet other infertility bloggers and maybe find some new followers. Recently I was contacted by Mindy Berkson (@infertilityhope on Twitter), an infertility consultant, who very flatteringly told me she found my blog inspiring and would like to contribute a guest post.

(A guest post! Someone asked me to write a guest post! Cool!!)

I’ve always been very open about our infertility experience – practically everyone in real life knows at least something about it, including anyone who happens to wander over to my blog from Facebook. The majority of my posts relate specifically to our journey and are not very factual. Though many of those in the trenches with me have probably been back and forth about which option to choose, I’m hoping perhaps this can be used to reach out to someone just starting their journey and are unaware of options, or simply to educate those who are curious:

Conceivable Options™

When The Pathway to Parenthood is Not Linear

by Mindy Berkson, Founder, Lotus Blossom Consulting, LLC

As children and young adults many of us were raised to grow up and become not just well established adults, but moms and dads.  It is often a natural progression to graduate school, focus on career, marry and raise a family.  Kids are the ultimate goal and accomplishment.

Today however, given the rise in infertility one in five couples today, or 7.3 million Americans struggle with infertility — the biological inability to conceive or carry a pregnancy to full term.  Many factors can contribute to this staggering and continually growing statistic.  Most common are delayed child bearing, advanced maternal age, medical conditions, sexually transmitted diseases, obesity and environmental factors.  As women continue to work and delay having children, their needs with regard to infertility treatment, has also continued to grow.

The infertility diagnosis can be devastating and demoralizing. Unable to become pregnant or carry a pregnancy to term, women often feel inadequate, alone and depressed.  Infertility treatment is costly, and invasive. Success rates are not guaranteed and insurance benefits are often limited.  The emotional, physical and financial stressors associated with the infertility process are often challenging and overwhelming.

Age matters in many aspects of life and definitely in the creation of life.  Women are most fertile between the ages of 20 to 28 with their fertility decreasing in half by the time they reach 35 years of age.  By age 45, only a 1% chance remains each month of conceiving naturally. This is a startling fact considering the average age a woman has her first child has risen to a record high of 25.1 years with 20% of women waiting until they are 35 years old to begin their family.

An increasing number of women choose to delay childbearing due to further schooling, career choice, or are waiting to find their perfect partner.  Many individuals are choosing to be single parents.  While those choices are understandable and personal, as women naturally age so do their ovaries; affecting their fertility.  Oocyte cryopreservation, commonly known as egg banking, generally provides women up to the age of 38 a chance to stop their biological clock and effectively plan and preserve their fertility for the future.

Other treatment options to help overcome infertility include egg donation and surrogacy.  Egg donation involves retrieving eggs from a donor between the ages of 21 and 32.  Since success rates are linked to the age of the egg, using an egg donor can greatly impact the success rates for pregnancy after in-vitro fertilization treatments.  It is most common to use an egg donor in an anonymous arrangement.  Legal contracts are necessary to outline the roles of all parties and to have the egg donor relinquish all rights to offspring produced from the treatment cycle.

Surrogacy is another widely available option to help overcome infertility.  Over the past decade surrogacy has become more acceptable as the laws in certain states have enabled couples and individuals to establish parentage at birth or shortly thereafter.  The most prevalent form of surrogacy today is gestational surrogacy where the surrogate candidate is not biologically related to the offspring.

The pathway to parenthood is not always linear.  But understanding the treatment options available will help you to determine your emotional tolerances and physical endurance for exploring treatment and reaching the American dream of becoming a mom and dad.

About Mindy Berkson and Lotus Blossom Consulting

As one of the first infertility consultancies in the United States, Lotus Blossom Consulting, LLC was founded by Mindy Berkson in 2005.  With more than a decade of experience at physician’s offices, and egg donor and surrogacy agencies, Berkson assists individuals working through the often-challenging roadblocks of infertility, by providing the best information and resources available to them from around the world – all in one location.

Lotus Blossom Consulting works with individuals on a case-by-case basis, taking into consideration clients’ emotional, physical and financial infertility issues and then develops an individualized, comprehensive plan, to help clients make informed decisions. Mindy is a sought-after infertility expert and has appeared on countless media programs and speaker panels educating audiences on the topic of infertility, egg banking and surrogacy.  For more information about Lotus Blossom Consulting, LLC, call toll free (877) 881-2685, email  mindy@lotusblossomconsulting.com or visit the web at www.lotusblossomconsulting.com or www.infertilityconsultant.com.

Thanks to Mindy for your contribution.

Pins and Needles

It’s a good thing I’m not afraid of needles.

Needles have found their way into my life much more frequently lately. Each morning I unwrap a new injection needle and methodically give myself my daily Lupron dose. (which have so far not come with any crazy side effects!woo hoo!)

Today I found myself feeling anxious. As in, lets get the Lupron injections over with already (if you recall I felt the same way about the birth control) and just do this thing. As a matter of fact, lets just get the whole thing over with so I can find out of it worked.

I’ve thought this to myself before and I’m realizing it again -that my tendency to have more of an anxious personality makes me miss things. Here I am two days before a big birthday, before a big cool event in my life and I am essentially wishing it would be over so I can move on with this cycle.

I had my acupuncture appointment today and it couldn’t have come at a better time. Not only was it incredibly relaxing (and included a massage! Score!) but the girl specifically told me that once the needles (more needles!!) were placed I was to try my absolute best to block everything else out of my mind and relax. Apparently an active brain takes some of the blood flow from the places the needles are targeting. Not an easy feat for a girl whose brain is constantly on warp speed (and who had forgotten to plan for a tip and spent the half the massage wondering if I had enough money in my wallet to tip her…and wondering if there was a tactful way to explain my blunder had I not had any money on me so the girl wouldn’t think I was a cheapskate come my next session and poke me a little too hard with the next set of needles).

I was already there, clearly nothing could be done about it right then. (and, as it turned out, I had the perfect amount of cash in my wallet) So I made myself stop and breathe – counting in to four and out to four so I could just let it go. It worked, and I was able to spend that 20 minutes actually relaxing. (what a concept)

Prior to the cycle starting I spent a lot of time anxious about the money – about how much it was going to cost and about how many million other things I could do with it. About the unfairness that I was stuck in this situation in the first place. In the car on the way home instead I thought about what this experience so far HAS gotten me – an incredible amount of support from friends, family, and other fellow bloggers. People who are rooting me on and praying for me. The skydiving on Sunday that I  never would have bought had I not been in this situation at this point in my life. My 2nd marathon. This blog, and the recent inquiry from Mindy Berkson  on twitter saying how touched she was by my blog and would like to contribute a guest post. (how cool is that?!)

This isn’t to say that if this cycle doesn’t work I won’t be completely devastated, because I will. But I need to add something else to my IVF bucket list – be more in the moment.

I may  have to continue to stick myself with needles, but don’t have to constantly be on pins and needles.

One day at a time.