Journey To the Finish Line

PR's, 4 children, hopes and dreams; I'm always running after something



Ten Thoughts Tuesday – Serious and Not so Serious

I’ve seen these posts but have never done one myself, but it seems to fit today since I was just sitting here thinking about how I’d like to blog but aren’t sure how to tie the million thoughts together than I have in my brain.


1. I’m feeling like my blog is hanging in this weird area. It’s not really an infertility blog, humor blog, or a fitness blog or a mommy blog. It was meant to be a “whatever” blog but I feel like maybe I’m trying to include too much. But I don’t feel like I’m a fitness blogger, I don’t feel like I’m a mommy blogger and I don’t feel like I’m strictly a humor blogger. I want to put together something that encompasses all these things and I feel like lately I’m sucking at it. It seems like my interest is down. And I’m annoyed that that bothers me because the blog was supposed to be for me, not anyone else.

2. I hate having asthma.

3. Between toddlers, exercise, work, blogging, trying to keep the house from blowing up and attempting to maintain friendships and a marriage, sometimes I feel like I’m being spread too thin. At the end of the day I most often berate myself for spending time cleaning that I could have spent with the twins, or with Bryan.

4. I got a manicure for the first time in months and actually really like having my nails painted.

5. I could really be nicer to my husband. Clutter makes me anxious, and I don’t often deal with it well. I nag. I pick. I get upset over stupid things. He’s told me this before and yet old habits die hard. I need to start doing nice things more often, think about what he does do more often, appreciate him more often. It is difficult to get out of a negative mindset. We are supposed to be partners, and I don’t always treat him that way.

6. I could literally sit and watch episode after episode of Gilmore Girls and not get tired of it.

7. I am worried that I don’t know how to raise toddlers. Sometimes I have a short fuse, and I worry that I do and will raise my voice too often and say no too much.

8. I still chuckle when I think about how, when my parents came to visit this past weekend, I changed some of the shortcuts on her iPhone. (For example, when she typed house, it changed it to hillbilly shack, and yes became yellow submarine. How became gherkin pickle.) She was so confused.

9. It used to really annoy me when people would tell me “you’ll understand when….”. I get it now.

10. What did the fish say when it hit the wall?


When it Rains

Its been a drizzly rainy week around here lately. I love this weather as a runner, but otherwise rain rain go away.

The title to this post really serves two purposes here.

Remember when I wrote about how a bacteria stole my birthday? And this post about a cruddy day?

Well I think I’ve topped it.

Let’s start with Monday. Bryan and I get into the car to take the twins to day care. It won’t start, so we jump it, assuming it needs a new battery. Wrong. The alternator is bad. After some hemming and hawing we take it to a local mechanic.

Tuesday Bryan texts me that the mechanic called. Supposedly, he’s spent 8 hours trying to replace the alternator (and CV joint), broke two tools and is so pissed he told Bryan to come get the car and never bring it back. He finds a kind neighbor to drive him to get the car, jumps it again, and then drives home and fixes it himself. How the mechanic couldn’t manage but he could remains a mystery to me.

Wednesday I wake up with faucet nose. Hello cold.

I've done it before, and I'll do it again
I’ve done it before, and I’ll do it again

Thursday I meet a neighbor to take the twins for a walk. When we start, its misting outside. I have my (brand new) iPhone in the Bob Stroller pocket covered by the flap. After some walking we get caught in fairly heavy rain, and somehow the water has leaked through the flap into the pocket where it has collected a puddle WHERE MY IPHONE IS. Needless to say, it is no longer working.

Today, after 24 hours of drying it out, it still doesn’t work. I try to reactivate my old phone online, and Verizon keeps telling me to switch out my SIM card. HELLO VERIZON! iPhones don’t have a removable back! Abby wakes up with a fever. At 230 the daycare calls because guess what? Miles has one too! I Finally get my insurance claim in for my phone and its on backorder with absolutely no timeline as to how long it will take. (I finally got it reactivated with a phone call later)

Glass? Thanks, but I'll take the whole bottle
Glass? Thanks, but I’ll take the whole bottle

Bring on the weekend.

The Target Vortex

Two days ago, I ran a couple of errands before work.

First, I ran into Bed, Bath and Beyond to get my sister part of her birthday present. I did so without a hitch. Next, I wanted to get a birthday and anniversary card, so I did the most logical thing I could think to do, which was walk down the plaza to Target.

This is where things began to go awry.

I walk into Target and am immediately drawn to the elusive Dollar Spot, because out of the corner of my eye I can see Halloween things. I love Halloween and so Halloween things excite me. The Dollar Spot has also helped my planner decorating habit so I often go there to see if I can find stickers, pens, washi tape etc. I pick up a magnetic To Do list and some hand sanitizer (because you know, its a dollar). From The Dollar Spot I force myself to walk by the clothes only to find myself drawn towards the shoes. Heat and humidity still runs rampant here and so any sign of fall now makes me happy. Boots, flats, sneakers; I nearly had to force myself to leave.

Perhaps not coincidentally, the athletic department is right by the shoes. I again force myself to walk by the athletic department and somehow end up in the baby clothes.

Uh oh.

Hey! A set of winter pajamas on sale!! Abby needs these! Oh! And a bathing suit for next year! She needs this too! Oh, and while I’m here, lets try a couple new straw cups! I am rocking this!

From there I head to the makeup department to check out the gel nail starter kit my sister has been eyeing, though I decide to pass it up in favor of the one she says is cheaper at Sally’s Beauty Supply. I check out and force myself to leave some Halloween stickers on my way out and pride myself that I only spent $20!

I walk to the car, open the door, turn on the car, and then I realize…..

I forgot the cards.

Curse you, Target.


(Share your Target Vortex story…you know you have one)

How a Bacteria Stole My Birthday

Every birthday in high school was “celebrated” with long rehearsals up and down the band field, in my case with a flag in hand (or dropped on the ground, depending on the moment in time). Some might moan and groan about a birthday at band camp but as I was and am still one to enjoy the social aspect more than anything else (I am a Leo after all), I looked forward to birthday wishes. 

Not the singing, though. I’m still not much for the singing.

Every morning during band camp I’d get up, shower, put my hair in a bun (because it was the only thing I knew to do with the curly fro I had at the time) and put on my short shorts, ankle socks and spaghetti strap sports bra and tank top in my attempt to minimize the farmers tan that surely awaited me. We did marching drills, learned our spots, memorized routines and in return we took home the farmers tan, papers that marked our field spots and routines to practice (*cough* that never happened). 

My senior year, I caught strep. I can’t remember if my birthday was on a weekday or weekend that year but what I do remember is spending my 17th birthday sleeping on the lap of my then boyfriend while he watched movies. Consequently, that was also the year I found out I was allergic to amoxicillin after I was sent home as my body grew a huge red rash. Despite not feeling well I insisted on going back to band camp anyway because it was picture day. If you look closely at my picture that year, even though I tried to hide it with make up, you can tell my face is swollen. Ahh, memories. 

Fast forward about 15 (yikes) years. 

It’s August 22, 2014, and even though my birthday is technically over, I know Bryan has something up his sleeve (because he told me, and because he told me to come straight home that morning, when I usually make a grocery run after work). My alarm goes off at 7am. Bryan gets up and comments that his throat hurts, and not just a little bit. The twins, who have been back in day care for a total of 3 days at this point, both wake up with runny noses, but are acting fine so we get them ready and I drop them off.

At about 10:00 Bryan texts me that he has a fever.

Fifteen minutes later I have a voicemail from the day care saying Miles has a fever.

On the way home from picking Miles up, Bryan gets a call that Abby has a fever.


Hearing of Miles’ fever Bryan scheduled a doctors appointment, which I was hesitant with at first because usually the docs won’t do anything for a fever until its been 72 hours. But after Abby had one too, I left work early so we could take them. Even once we got home we debated keeping the appt vs waiting it out and treating the symptoms, but in the end decided to go because a) it was Friday and if we didn’t we’d have to wait until Monday or visit the ER and b) since Bryan was starting to wonder if he had strep we figured we’d just get them tested.

Ironically, even though Miles had the highest fever (104) and was acting all sick and pathetic and Abby was acting fairly normal, SHE is the one that tested positive. They sent us home with two scripts though since he was showing symptoms. 

I didn’t know what Bryan had up his sleeve but as soon as I heard Miles had a fever too I figured it was going to get called off. 

He had planned a surprise birthday party. He was going to decorate, had planned to put together this cool big birthday card of online messages he had compiled, and invited some people neither of us had seen in awhile. 

Instead, I spent the evening taking care of two sick toddlers while he drove himself to the VA to get tested for strep himself. After waiting for 2 hours the doc did the test but said he was sending him home with antibiotics regardless of the result, so while we aren’t sure if he officially had it, he’s pretty sure he did. 

Two days later I’m sanitizing my hands like its my job, looking out for symptoms myself, and cursing strep throat into the fiery pits of hell.

Suck it, strep. 

Dear Yesterday

Dear Yesterday,

Apparently YOU woke up in a joking mood.

At 6am my alarm went off to go on my bike ride. I begrudgingly got out of bed, got dressed and trudged downstairs in my workout clothes and socks

At 6:10 am I stepped in dog poop on the wood floor – I then spent a few minutes cleaning it up.

At 6:20 am I nearly stepped in dog pee, which was so conveniently placed right under the baby fence, so I had to keep moving it back and forth to get all of the wet spots cleaned up.

At 6:25 I finally made it outside to put air in my tires.

I rode incident free (thankfully).

I got home, got the twins up and fed them breakfast. Bryan came downstairs and I was stretching. He was taking a video.

At around 9am Miles knocked over Bryans coffee cup (which was lukewarm, luckily), spilling it all over my Macbook Air.

At 9:10 it stopped working.

At 9:15 I took a very frustrated shower and tried to figure out how many pictures I’d be able to recover from my blog and family should it decide to die.

At 9:40 I took the twins out to play on the water table and started sneezing. I proceeded to sneeze ALL DAY despite my allergy pill and a Benadryl.

At 11:00 I laid down to rest for a bit, and then knocked over half a glass of sweet tea.

At lunchtime neither Bryan nor I could get the warped lid off of the milk container, so he punctured it with a knife, then spilled milk on the floor.

At lunchtime I went to put the rinsed blueberries back in the fridge, but forgot to shake off the excess water, thereby spilling a nice puddle onto the floor on the way to the fridge.

I’m still sneezing.

At 2:00 we take the twins and Quinn (my friends 5 year old we were watching) to the pool, which was luckily also incident free (thank goodness)

At 4:30 Bryan starts the babies dinner and spills more milk on the floor.

I am still sneezing.

At dinnertime the twins throw their milk cups on the floor for the millionth time and….you guessed it, more spilled milk.

At bedtime neither of them want to go to sleep because they are overtired (oops).

At 9pm I decide I’m tired of sneezing and go to bed. I accidentally drop my invisalign into the recycle bin.

I go to bed after 2 more benadryl and toilet paper stuck up my nose.

You suck,

The Powers*


*the macbook works! phew! And its been backing up all 2000 pictures since yesterday at 11am.

*no, I did not cry over spilled milk, in case you were wondering 🙂

*always put your pictures on a back up hard drive or online storage!!!!

Flashback Finish This

Finish This – Flashback style (kinda)

Colorguard girls
Colorguard girls
If I went back to school, I would study… nursing, or physical therapy. I considered psychology/counseling for awhile in college as well. I like my career though and have no interest in going back to school at this point. 
My favorite subject in school… if this doesn’t scream nerd then I’m not sure what does, but my favorite subjects were music (band and choir – I didn’t like orchestra much at the time but I appreciate the experience now). Academic wise, probably English. 
I look pretty much the same
I look pretty much the same

I wish I had paid attention…. when people suggested I take home ec. I still can’t don’t cook, and don’t even know how to sew on a button. Not joking.

The dumbest thing I did in high school was… nothing. No lie. Yes, I was THAT much of a goody two shoes. I was always home by curfew, didn’t drink (heck I was secretary of SADD), and always played by the rules. I never even toilet papered a house. And no, I’m not just saying that because my parents read my blog. Just in case you were wondering. Honestly, I’d say the dumbest thing were things I didnt do, like audition for a play (yes, nerd) because I was afraid to fail (and precisely why I auditioned for a play in 2008).
In high school, I thought a bad grade was life alteringly bad. Just in case the fact that the dumbest thing I did was nothing didn’t hone in on my goody goody-ness, then this probably will seal the deal.
Senior prom at its best
Senior prom at its best

Join in the fun and “Finish This,” by finishing the above prompts and linking up your post with the hosts of this party: Nicole {Three 31} Lisa {Coastlined}, and Becky {The Java Mama}.

Finish This (#2)

I’m not sure if you’re supposed to be choosey about the ones you participate in but I am anyway. If nothing else I figure it gives a different glance into my life.

1. I could spend all day …
on roller coasters. I LOVE roller coasters.

2. My primary and most essential goal in life …
is to set an example for Miles and Abby on how to be a respectful, active and well rounded person with a decent sense of humor.

3. You might be surprised to learn …
I had straight hair until 8th grade. I got a perm and it stuck. No I’m not kidding.

4. My favorite place in the world is …
anywhere I can run (but ideally with some really nice scenery).

5. I wish I had known sooner …
so many things…how unimportant my weight is to anyone but me, that not having kids till you’re 30 (I REALLY wanted them before 30) isn’t such a big deal, how to say no, how to not worry about those who don’t worry about me. In retrospect, though, learning these things when I did makes me who I am now, and I suppose that’s not so bad 🙂

Join LISA (COASTLINED), JEN (The Arizona Russums), BECKY (The Java Mama) in this link up.

A (Sarcastic) Ode to Black Friday

I’ve never understood Black Friday.

Perhaps its partly because my tolerance for shopping is fairly low. I mean I’m a female and I do love shopping, but honestly after an hour or two I’m done and ready to go home. Particularly if there are a million people milling around and not paying attention to where they are walking. (When I shop I have a mission and know where I’m going – so please walk your super slow line of people in front of someone else.) And Black Friday is the worst example of shopping in my opinion. Every year I roll my eyes at the ads and commercials for the big sales. And the kicker this year? Stores started opening on Thursday night.

I’m sorry, but isn’t Thursday a holiday? The holiday where we are supposed to be thankful for what we have? But lets hurry up and eat dinner so we can stand in line for an hour outside Target before the doors open at 9:00. Geesh.

A friend of mine used to go Black Friday shopping religiously. A few years ago she talked me into going. (This was before stores opened at 9pm Thursday). After Thanksgiving dinner I took a couple hour nap and we met at the Outlet malls before they opened at midnight. Now the outlet malls weren’t so bad. Crowded yes, but since there is plenty of outside room its easy to get away from the crowds if you start to feel claustrophobic. Plus there were chick fil a booths outside – and anything selling chick fil a is a winner in my book.

Next in line was Kohls – their doors opened at 4am. If I remember correctly we got there about 330, and the line to get in the front door looked to be a quarter of a mile long. I could be exaggerating a little, but considering it took us 10 minutes of standing outside to get in, it certainly felt that way. The store was a mess. There were clothes everywhere. And by the time we were ready to check out, the line wrapped around the store. I don’t even like to wait in lines for rollercoasters.


Target after that was less crowded probably because it opened about the same time as Kohls and so all the crazies had already filed out. Post shopping chick fil a made it all worthwhile and I think I finally crashed at home around 6 or 7 am.

While I’ll admit that all in all the experience wasn’t bad, I’m in no hurry to repeat it. Quite frankly, its just too many people in one place – and we didn’t even go to WalMart, where you seem to hear about all the stories about tramplings and shootings. People somehow go from being thankful for their lives to total monsters willing to run over whoever they want for that $300 television. That is crazy.

So to you, Black Friday, an Ode: (limerick style)

Lord, I am so thankful you see

For all the good things you’ve given to me

Bless this food I’m about to eat

But do you think, for an extra treat?

You could hook me up on the deal for the 50″ TV?


On Pregnancy After Infertility

I like metaphors. And I’ve used many and seen many to describe what infertility is like.

Its a marathon. It’s like being placed on hold. A rollercoaster.  A maze. (source) Like being lost in the desert without water. (source) Like trying to get your car fixed without knowing what’s wrong with it. (source) Like a tornado that destroys. (source) Ok, I used more similies there, but you get the point. I’ve said before that infertility changes you as a person. It tests your faith, your marriage and your finances.

3 years is the length of time our journey took us. Over a thousand days. A thousand days of questions without concrete answers. A thousand days of fear and hope mixed together in such a way that was often hurtful rather than helpful.

A fellow blog friend recently wrote a post about those of us who are pregnant after infertility. About the influx of pregnancies in the blogosphere lately (there have been a TON!) and how our blogs change once this happens. Because they do change. They change to reflect the change in our lives, as they should.

Pregnancy after infertility becomes its own journey. While I am always infertile, I’m not currently fighting to get pregnant. But I don’t feel as though I really belong with those who haven’t taken a path like mine – not because I’m trying to separate myself, but because the journey is simply not the same. The entire course looks different. It bothered me at first because I couldn’t figure out which “side” I belonged to. The fact of the matter, though, is that no two marathon courses are the same. No two journeys to build a family will be the same.

I’ve written about fear more times than I can remember. That we would go broke trying, or that it would destroy our marriage. The fear that I would never be a mother. That we would never be parents. Our blogs change from journey to celebration,  but with it still comes fear: a fear of loss (and I am sure this is even more so for those who have experienced a prior loss), of complications, of things like an incompetent cervix and premature labor. There is no such thing as a “normal” pregnancy after going through infertility treatments. A physically normal pregnancy sure, but not mentally. Because while we are so grateful to finally be here, we know how long it took, and how there are no guarantees that one pregnancy means another will follow. The kicker is the fact that those still in the trenches would give just about anything to be worrying about a viable pregnancy – because at if you’re worrying about that, you’re pregnant. And that our updates, even with fear laced within them, are a reminder that you are still stuck.

Being stuck sucks.

The paragraph I wrote above about fear that we would never be parents – I originally wrote it in present tense without realizing it. I’m guessing partially because both consciously and unconsciously I know we aren’t out of the woods yet. While writing that paragraph, though, I was back there. I did it because we never forget. We never forget what it’s like. We never forget what we’ve been through, and we never forget about those who are still struggling through it. Infertility and its’ effects are permanently a part of us. It changes us as people, it changes our relationships.

Our future path changes, but we don’t forget the one we took.

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