Journey To the Finish Line

PR's, 4 children, hopes and dreams; I'm always running after something



Thinking Back

About a year after the move to South Carolina, my ex husband and I bought a house in a city about 45 minutes from Charleston. It was in that neighborhood that I met my first friends that weren’t automatically associated with the military. These women eventually formed a Bunco group who met once a month with a built in excuse to drink wine, chit chat and scream like kids on a roller coaster after a good roll.

Naturally, I was no longer in the group once we moved, but not too long after I moved back, this time by myself, I was welcomed back in. Many of the members have changed since then, but the atmosphere has never really shifted.

Friday night, after I left my wet flip flops in the foyer and grabbed a plate of food, I joined 3 others sitting at one of the tables. One of the women is a fellow mother of twin toddlers (hers are nearly 2). Unless you count the handful of outings I’ve taken with only one baby, I have zero experience as a mother to a singleton. Still, I know that motherhood to twins is a different experience entirely and enjoy having someone to share stories with from time to time. The most common (and unknowingly loaded) question I find that I get (from singleton and twin moms alike) is “do twins run in your family?”

I was very open about our road to parenthood as we traveled it and now is certainly no exception. The majority of the time, and in this case, I say “no, we went through fertility treatments.” Typically, I get a few questions or a short side story about a friend of a friend who had an IUI. On more rare occasions, the person has experienced infertility herself. There is always an instant bond with these people, because you know that they too have walked a lonely road that is very difficult for someone who has not walked it to understand.

In this case, the fellow twin mom not only had zero experience with infertility, she conceived with an ease that makes every fellow past and present infertile drool. What made her different, though, was her interest. Many are interested in the science behind the procedures. Fewer ask about the emotional impact. Even fewer REALLY ask.

Part of our groups conversation involved the experiences of pregnancy: morning sickness, bed rest, stretch marks, discomfort. When I first joined this Bunco group I was not yet ready to have children, so I didn’t have much to contribute. While trying initially, these conversations interested me. As we sunk further and further without any luck, they became painful. Even now, with 2000 pictures of my beautiful twins in my phone, when someone asks if twins runs in my family, it stings a little. It stings because I’ll never forget how painful those conversations sometimes were and how alone I felt. I’ll never forget feeling like I saw pregnant.women.everywhere. I’ll never forget how bitter the experience made me feel for a long time. How annoyed I felt when someone would complain about a pregnancy I would give my left arm to have and sometimes forced me into another room to shed a few tears before I could compose myself.

Fellow twin mom, taking interest, began asking questions not only about the IVF procedure itself but about how it felt to go through it. She said she had a friend who has had difficulty conceiving and, incidentally, been acting differently lately. She asked me if I thought being around her might be difficult for her friend, if she maybe felt bitter about the fact that her ability to conceive had been so easy. I was honest when I told her that was possible.

She was shocked. She told me she had no idea. That she meant absolutely no harm. This time, I understood.

I think I speak for many when I say that one of my biggest complaints was what felt like the lack of understanding from others. In hindsight I suspect it was more a lack of information than understanding. Through no fault of their own, people just have no idea. Truth be told, before I was ready to have a family, I didn’t either. In fact, I recall responding to the news of an acquaintances miscarriage with “at least she knows she can get pregnant” (not to her, thankfully). To this day, knowing what I know now, I am ashamed by that comment. I didn’t even want to type it out.

This post has sat unfinished in my drafts for two days because I am not sure how to finish it. I guess the experience brought some new understanding into the minds of others. When you’re in the throes, it’s so difficult to see the good natured side of some of the things people say. It seems, though, that many are really good intentioned. I was. Little did I know (at the time), though, the impact those words could have had. I, like fellow twin mom, meant no harm.

From inexperienced, well intentioned but likely insensitive, to the person on the receiving end of well intentioned but possibly insensitive comments, to someone who has now been on both sides being asked about someone else’s experience, it seems like, in a way, I’ve come full circle.

And I feel just as confused as ever.

*If this offends anyone still struggling, please accept my apologies. This was really just may way of trying to sort out my own thoughts and feelings about this particular issue.


2013 Recap

Hard to believe I’m already in my 3rd year of blogging.  A recap of 2013. (Click the links to see a recap of 2011 and 2012)
1. What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
  • Run a half marathon distance (or race) before the end of the year (after taking 10 months off, not sure how long this goal will take to achieve!) YES!
  • Live more in the present – I’m keeping this one with the babies coming – if I need this one I need it now more than ever as I am sure they will grow like weeds and one day I’ll wake up and wonder where the time went – I’D SAY THIS IS PARTIALLY ACHIEVED
  • Be the best mom I can be – ONGOING
  • Be flexible – ALSO ONGOING


  • Run 6 half marathons (pending this most recent butt/back injury)
  • PR a race
  • Make it to a year of breastfeeding
  • Read 25 books
  • Spend less time glued to my phone
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
  • Many blogging and twitter friends that I’ve met this year have given birth – most of which have battled infertility (yay!)
4. Did anyone close to you die?
5. What countries did you visit?
  • Um, that would be zero. A big fat zero.
6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?
  • a vacation! A nice one!
7. What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
  • February 18 – the big vehicle debacle is solved
I'm being all thug and sh*t
I’m being all thug and sh*t
  • March  – baby showers for ME!
Thanks Rachel, you rock.
Thanks Rachel, you rock.
My awesome host and her son
My awesome host and her son
  • May 14 – Our twins are born
Hi! we were just born
Hi! we were just born
  • July 20 – My sister gets married and we make our first LOOOONG trek with the babies
Our family
Our family
  • August 19 – I turn 31. It’s not the most exciting birthday plan wise, but still one for the books since I got to spend it with Bryan, Abby and Miles
Happy Birthday Mama
Happy Birthday Mama
  • August 24 – My first comeback race
She helped me train for my first marathon
She helped me train for my first marathon
  • September 19 – Feverish, I get up to go to the bathroom, trip over a bouncy seat and break my first bone
Yeah, its broken
Yeah, its broken
  • December 14 – my first comeback half marathon
Like my inhaler belt?
Like my inhaler belt?
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
  • Carrying twins to our scheduled c- section day of 38 weeks
  • Running a half marathon 7 months post-partum
9. What was your biggest failure?
  • Wasting time with worry and stress continues to be my biggest issue
  • My biggest FAIL? Tripping over a bouncy seat and breaking my pinky toe
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
  • The aforementioned broken toe
  • A horrible virus of some kind that took me down for a week and carried with it a 6 day fever. UGH
11. What was the best thing you bought?
  • Baby stuff
  • New to us SUV
12. Where did most of your money go?
  • Mortgage and medical bills
13. What did you get really excited about?

  • The babies
  • Getting back into running
14. What song will always remind you of 2013
  • Hmmm…..probably MUSE – Liquid State. I bet it listened to it the most
15. Compared to this time last year, are you:

  • – happier or sadder? happier!
  • – thinner or fatter?  well thinner, but that’s because I was pregnant for much of the year 🙂
  • – richer or poorer? definitely a little poorer, but no complaints here 🙂
16. What do you wish you’d done more of?
  • spent more quality time with Bryan
17. What do you wish you’d done less of?
  • spend time online and on my phone
18. How did you spend Christmas?
  • My parents, sister and brother in law spent the day at our house
Oooh paper. I can eat this?
Oooh paper. I can eat this?
19. What was your favorite TV program?
  • Modern Family
  • Dexter
  • Sister Wives
  • Breaking Bad – we watched the entire series over a matter of a couple weeks
20. What were your favorite books of the year?

  • Man, I REALLY didn’t read much this year.
21. What was your favorite music from this year?

  • Lady Gaga – Applause
  • Imagine Dragons – Radioactive
  • Swedish House Mafia – Don’t You Worry Child
  • The Neighhorhood – Sweater Weather
22. What were your favorite films of the year?
  • The Hunger Games
  • Despicable Me 2
  • I didn’t watch that many movies either. I did watch the entire series of Gilmore Girls again though.
23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
  • I turned 31. I honestly don’t remember what we did. I think we went to dinner. I did get an awesome GPS watch and Hybrid bike as gifts. Best husband ever.
24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
  • I don’t think anything would have brought satisfaction that I’d consider immeasurable. I’d have liked to fix up our bathroom or do a few home fix up type things but nothing really necessary. Maybe something that would magically erase my debt?
25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?

  • I so don’t care. I just buy what I think is cute. And on sale. Bonus if its both. (This totally hasn’t changed)
26. What kept you sane?

  • My husband
  • My friends
  • Running
  • Blogging
27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.
  • Healing….every kind, takes time.

Half Marathon Training Run 2: It’s Better With a Buddy

While I enjoy the alone time during runs, when they start to get higher in the mileage (usually 12 or above), I really prefer some company if I can find it. Two years ago my buddy Lynnsey (who I met at Dick’s sporting goods – story on that here) was training for half while I trained for the full and did some long runs with me. This year, the situations are reversed and I’m able to return the favor. This past Saturday (yeah I’m a little late) I bumped myself up to 12 miles and jumped in after the first 3 of her 15.

After last weeks’ serious reflections on solo long runs, today I write about the lighter side with a list.

Top 10 Reasons Running is Better With a Buddy:

1. Company makes the miles fly by

2. You have someone to cover you if you need to make a pit stop in the woods

3. Getting eyeballed by a guy on a moped feels slightly less creepy

4. You don’t get deer-in-the-headlights look when you ask “do you ever get this weird pain in your shoulder/back/arm?”. In the same sense you also don’t get that look while you randomly and awkwardly try to stretch your arm while you run

5. Running = instant and easy that’s what she said jokes. Buddy = someone to laugh at them

6. Free therapy

7. It’s pretty good alone, but its better with a buddy*

8. Someone to take really stupid pictures with

Funny Faces

crazy face 2

9. Someone else gets why your most expensive pair of shoes are for running and why you won’t spend money to go out but don’t think twice about dropping $85 for a race fee

10. Running buddies often become awesome friends

*Bonus points for a…you guessed it…that’s what she said

With five weeks left to the race I don’t have a real plan as far as training goes. I may make 12 my longest run, I may decide to up it to 13 or 14. I’m planning to run 4 days a week, cross train one day and do either speed or hill work at least once a week. On the plus side, the broken toe doesn’t seem to have slowed progress at all – in fact (probably due to a months worth of consistent ab work) I feel even stronger, which is awesome.

Take that, bouncy seat.

Related Posts:

Half Marathon Training Run 1: Why Long Runs Save My Sanity

Week 12: Run by the Numbers

Week 5: Rough Runs Happen

Let’s Be Honest: Acting Like A Kid On Halloween

Today we have our first post on honesty by someone other than me. Hooray!

Let’s Be Honest: Acting Like A Kid For Halloween

Hi guys! Some of you know me as almostbatten over at “If You Don’t Stand For Something“, but for those that don’t I thought I would introduce myself. My name is Kim, I’m 30 and I’ve been married to my husband Chris for the past 4.5 years. We started trying to build our family just before our wedding and have since been diagnosed with hypothyroidism (for me) and low sperm count (for the hubs, obviously). I’m a crafter, baker, gamer, a Brownie leader affectionately called “Fluffy Owl” and a lover of all things owl and cupcake. I also have a soft spot for just about anything the BBC airs for my viewing pleasure (seriously guys, my ringtone is the Doctor Who theme and my background is Jack and Ianto from Torchwood).

But the thing I wanted to talk about today is the holidays. Halloween in specific. Since this post is all about honesty, I’m just gonna tell you that I’ve been on both sides of the infertile Halloween. I’ve hated the holiday and didn’t want to have anything to do with it, but over the years and as I’ve gradually moved out of the angry infertile stage, I’ve grown to love Halloween again.

Growing up, I was the first of my friends to stop trick or treating. I realized that I loved to pass out the candy and see all the cool costumes. As I grew up, I realized that I wanted somewhere to go where I could dress up. But when we received our infertility diagnosis, I couldn’t really bring myself to enjoy Halloween anymore. Envy and jealousy took over. I helped my mom at Halloween, but it was no longer enjoyable. I wanted to be the one taking my child out for their first Halloween in an adorably nerdy costume.

But over the past 2 years, I found my way back.

Last year was hectic. My parents were building their new house, I was prepping to move into my childhood home. I was ready to be finished with renting and become a home owner. But it was also my first year as a Brownie leader. I got to enjoy Halloween by having fun activities with our girls. And with 20 or so girls ranging in ages 7-9, you can’t help but enjoy it when they are having so much fun. They helped me realize that I could still have fun despite not having children of my own in my life yet.

This year though, was the real changer. We are lucky enough to have another couple locally who are also going through years of infertility. She also happens to be one my oldest friends. Throughout the year, when there would be holidays or events centered around kids and families with young children, we made a plan to do something together and still find some fun. We call them “Kid Free Adventures”. For Canada Day, instead of going to events centered around young families, we left our families behind and the four of us got in a car and played tourist for the day. We drove the Cabot Trail, a gorgeous part of my home province, and just enjoyed our time together as two couples. There was no pressure to put up with kids or pregnant women or inappropriate questions of “Why don’t you have kids yet?” and we laughed, stopped at cute shops and restaurants and explored. It is my all time favorite Canada Day. Some friends have expressed some jealousy towards our plans for the 4 of us, but the rest of our friends have children and spend that day with them, so we are just out finding our own fun because we share the unique experience of wanting kids but being unable to have them.

Since then, myself and my fellow IF’er best friend have made it a goal, along with our husbands, to go out and do stuff together and not wait for kids to be in the picture before we enjoy everything. So this Halloween season, I sewed my own Halloween costume for my Brownie Halloween party. Me and hubs along with our IF couple made the trek out to a local farm and picked our own pumpkins. Then we ran through the corn maze like we were children, fed the animals corn from the maze, and the boys even got on the see-saw together. Were we bombarded by children and families? Sure. It’s called Hanks FAMILY Farm after all, and it was a Sunday. But you know what? Parents were looking at us with envy because we were laughing and joking and clearly having an amazing time together. Kids would stop and laugh at us and we shared our corn with them when they realized they could feed the animals. Then when we came home, we carved our pumpkins together while we laughed and joked.

The day after Halloween, I leave for a guiding conference, but despite that, I’m still going to dress up and pass out the bags of candy. I also decorated our front step, the first time I’ve been able to decorate for Halloween in years. And after trick or treating is over, there will be some fireworks and my best friend and her husband are coming over so that we can watch Halloween movies, play some board games and pig out on the left over candy.

As much as we want children and as much as we are willing to do anything to have children, we learned that we can’t stop our life and wait until the good happens. So we are out there making our own happiness. We are finding fun and we are living our life to the fullest so that when our kids do finally get here, we can tell them how much we lived our life even before they came. That being said, not all days are this good. Do we still have bad days? Yes. Do we still avoid some holidays? You bet. Do I still get depressed, cry and hide away from people? Oh yeah, my mint chocolate ice cream is always waiting for me in the freezer for that special “break glass in case of emergency” situation.

But honestly, the biggest thing I can tell you after 4.5 years of infertility is that it’s OK to not be OK with holidays. It’s OK to say, “I can’t handle this.” It’s OK to say no to invites if its too hard on you mentally. Infertility is a bitch, and she sometimes takes over your life and with little notice. But I’m also here to tell you that it’s OK to also find some fun despite your infertility. It’s OK to go out and act like a kid and do family friendly stuff even if you don’t have children. No one has the right to tell you otherwise. It’s OK if you want to dress up and pass out candy. It’s OK if you want to do something kid free. But most importantly, it’s OK to act like a kid. Because the kids in that corn maze were taking a page from our book that day.

Even though we are working towards creating a family (through ART if necessary), it doesn’t mean that we are automatically excluded from events, holidays or even shows and toys that are directed towards children. I’m not gonna lie, my husband got me into My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic and I’ll watch anything on the Family Channel. It’s up to each of us to make the best of the time we have. We can sit around and mope or we can go out there and find the fun. But no matter what you decide to do this Halloween, whether its leaving a bowl of candy by your door so you don’t have to deal with kids or dressing up and going out for some fun, know that both are perfectly fine options. Now pardon me, hubby wants to have a My Little Pony marathon tonight while I make some pumpkin fudge.

Kimberly Batten

*Thanks to Kim to contributing as my first guest poster! Happily taking other honesty posts. No blog or writing experience necessary. Check out my tab or click here: Guest Posts. All votes for Top Mommy Blogs also appreciated – all you have to do is click the picture on the sidebar. Thanks!

Lets Be Honest

I tend to tell it like it is.

Most of the time it’s well received. Ok, maybe not WELL received, but accepted. Others, I feel like I have a case of something like open mouth insert foot syndrome. Regardless, I am who I am. (If you want someone to REALLY tell you how that outfit looks, I’m your girl.) Admittedly, it’s easier for me to be honest in writing. I can just write more eloquently than I can speak. I’ve been told on more than on occasion that they appreciate the honesty in my blog. I think honesty is important. Sugar coating things doesn’t help anyone.

I’ve toyed with the concept of having guest bloggers. I like reading guest posts on other blogs. So I’m writing this to throw the idea out there. I’d like to have a probably twice monthly guest blog. The theme, as you can maybe guess from the title, is honesty. You can write about whatever you want. Really, the options are pretty endless. Share your thoughts on motherhood, your job, infertility, your marriage, your pet goldfish (seriously, endless). Tell how you feel about a life experience big or small, why you think you can’t break a bad habit. Be serious. Be funny. Be both. Whatever. I don’t even care if you have your own blog – if you just follow on Facebook and would like to share something, I’ll post it. Of course I’ll post some of my own.

Maybe I’ll get interest, maybe this will be a flop. But you don’t know until you ask, right?

So, who’s in?

The Comeback 5k

Every year our city has this 5k in August in support of Alzheimer’s Disease research. Its typically an incredibly humid race but I’m in for just about anything I can find nearby. It became an especially special race last year because it was the final race I ran before we began the IVF. Now that I’m back into training, I figured what better way to ring in running/racing again than with this same race.

Last year I finished in 23:04.

This year without knowing where I would be I said I wanted to see if I could finish in under 27:00, or just under a 9:00/mile. It was rainy the morning of the race which excited me a little because I had hoped perhaps it could cool the temperature down, or heck I’m almost always up for a run in the rain. Instead, though, all it did was make it wet and HUMID. I’m not sure hell is that humid (I’m kidding, of course).

I met up with a couple running buddies and we proceeded to take some photos (of course).

She helped me train for my first marathon
She helped me train for my first marathon

We show off our immense amounts of maturity:

Hi, we are adults
Hi, we are adults

Then we stand impatiently while there is A LOT of talking and the race begins.

I started off with a rookie mistake. Adrenaline had taken over and I was so excited that I started off too fast – like at a 7:00/mile pace – one that I couldn’t maintain for long. I finished the first mile in 7:50 and then slowed way down after that. For those who aren’t familiar, the goal is to actually start SLOWER and increase pace as you go so you don’t run the risk (pun intended) of tiring yourself out at the end. Well, I did just that – tired myself out. It still wasn’t bad though and I finished mile 2 in and 3 at a pace of 8:30 and some change and the final .1 at an average 8:00 pace which put me at an 8:32 min/mile overall and a finishing time of 25:50 (I LOVE my new Garmin watch that tells me these things – the race clock said I finished at 26:02 but doesn’t account for time taken to cross the start line).

So unsurprisingly I’m not as fast as last year, but I did better than my initial goal so I feel pretty confident I can get back there.

Then we took some end of race pictures.

We are sweaty
We are sweaty
We are also tired
We are also tired

I finally caught up with Bryant, who has been my long run partner in crime lately, for a post race photo. I instructed him to make a silly face.

Just like a man to not listen to directions.
Just like a man to not listen to directions. AND make me look retarded.

Now I’m REALLY thinking about that half marathon in October. It’s been great to get back into the running world again and I have every intention to continue to do so as much as possible.

I’m back! YAY!

Happy Birthday Bubbles and Squishy

Remember how I said I laughed when the doctor called to schedule a c-section at 38 weeks, declaring there was no way possible we’d make it that long? Even after we’d made it past 35, 36 and 37 weeks I was convinced the babies would play a cruel joke on momma and send her into labor mere hours before the surgery was scheduled. But, we made it.

My parents, aunt and sister came into town over the weekend so they were able to see my large and in charge belly again before the babies came.

We celebrated a nice Mother’s Day and had a nice dinner Sunday night. Surprisingly enough, other than a couple bathroom trips I slept a solid 6 hours Monday night and awoke not to my own excitement or anxiety but to my alarm clock at 5am. A shower was already running in the house and I discovered that my dad had been awake since 3. I showered, got dressed and took a final belly picture.

The final belly pic
The final belly pic

Bryan, my dad and I arrived at the hospital at 6am. We registered and went up to the L&D unit where I was set up in the recovery room before surgery. Not much exciting happened there – an IV was placed, blood taken, fetal heart rates checked. I was nervous about the spinal anesthesia but it turned out to not be so bad.

The experience of a c-section is bizarre. Obviously you are numb, but can still feel pressure. Getting Miss Abigail out was interesting because she was always sitting so low and at one point it was difficult to breathe because it felt like they were pushing on my lungs. But, she arrived safely at 8:29 am. Miles followed shortly after at 8:31am. They let me get a brief peek at each baby after they were born and then were taken to be assessed. Both babies were declared healthy and weighed 5lb 13 oz and 6lb 12 oz consecutively.

Hi! We were just born
Hi! We were just born

Both babies were brought into recovery to feed, and both latched on like champs! They were both then taken for further assessment and I was taken to my room. It wasn’t too much longer before they brought both to us.

I'm a  hot mess
I’m a hot mess

What was supposed to be a72 hr hospital stay turned into a fourth day because Miss Abby’s bilirubin level was too high at 72 hrs. Luckily they let us stay so I could nurse her. She spent about 12 hours under the lights and did so with style.

Madonna wanna be
Madonna wanna be

We were all released home yesterday and so far all is going well. Both babies eat and sleep well – up to 3 hour stretches. Both have calm dispositions – and if I do say so myself, are beautiful. I am a bit biased though.

you know you cant handle the cute
you know you cant handle the cute

This whole experience so far has been wonderful and surreal. A part of me still can’t believe they are mine – I feel like I still have to return them to someone. We take pictures constantly. I love seeing Bryan as a daddy – he has been absolutely wonderful and watching him with the babies absolutely melts my heart. After all we went through I can say without a doubt that they are worth every tear I ever shed about infertility. I can’t believe that I’m a mom.  They were truly worth the wait.

Mommy and daddy love you both more than words could express.

You Can’t Beat Me (Joining the Movement – NIAW)

National Infertility Awareness Week is drawing to a close. Yesterday a fellow blogger on Twitter posed a very interesting question (and I am paraphrasing) asking how many of us with infertility who have kids (regardless of how) feel like they beat infertility?

My immediate response (in my head) was ME! YEAH! TAKE THAT INFERTILITY! (admittedly my head response also contained profanity) And then I put down my boxing gloves and thought about it for a minute. The truth is, the answer to that question is not at all cut and dry.

Personally I’ve felt that 1-2 children would be enough to make our family feel complete, and so when our successful IVF turned into a twin pregnancy part of me was VERY relieved that there was a decent possibility that we wouldn’t have to fight this battle again. For most people, though, a child doesn’t signify the end of the struggle. Often, an attempt for a second child, something that is still very easy for most, starts the whole process of emotions and frustration all over again. Whatever the method, it brings up all of the questions you thought the first time: how long is this going to take? How many cycles? How much money? How much heartache? Will it work at all? Can we afford adoption again? Can we afford surrogacy again? Can we afford more donor eggs?

Then my thoughts jump to the place where we all started: those who are still childless and still struggling through round one. The ones that read a blog like this and think to themselves be thankful you have even one child. I know this because I thought it not too terribly long ago. Not because I didn’t get that the struggle continued but because I would have given anything to have even one. Happy for them but still sad for me. Even those who have completed their families or have made their decision to stop treatments and remain child free after months or years of heartbreak- they are often left with unwanted reminders in the form of continued irregular cycles thanks to PCOS ovaries or no ovulation at all,  pain from endo, or whatever dysfunction of the system that caused the issue in the first place.  Without all of that, there are always memories. And Mother’s Days.

Doesn’t make infertility sound very beat-able.

Childhood was a bit awkward for me. I had big poofy hair and until high school when I joined band didn’t really have a group I fit into. I was teased through all of elementary school, some of middle school and even a little into high school because wasn’t I lucky getting a locker next to one of the kids who had teased me all through elementary school. Bullying is not something I have or ever will take lightly. I struggled with body image, disordered eating and depression in college. I’m not saying I blame these kids for that as I was also generally just a very sensitive kid and person. The point is that I pushed through it. I survived. I am living a life that I am proud of. It took awhile, but in the end I didn’t let the bully beat me.

One of the things I admire and respect the most about my fellow infertility sufferers is their strength, their determination, their resilience and refusal to give up. They struggle, their relationships struggle and their finances struggle and regardless of where the path leads them: to a child or a decision to remain childless, they continue to stand strong. They find a way to not only survive, but live.

In the end, do I feel like I have beaten infertility? Do I feel like most of us would feel like we’ve beaten infertility? No.

But we won’t let it beat us.


*For more information please visit:

Infertility Overview

About NIAW


2012 Recap

Using the same format I used in 2011, a recap of 2012:
1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

  • Get pregnant! (darn it!) – WOO HOO!
  • PR 2 more race distances- even though I didn’t run the last 4 months of the year I still managed to pull this one off! – WOO HOO
  • Live more in the present – the jury is still out on this one
  • Take a vacation – took a mini vacation to St. Augustine – not sure if this counts.
  • Find a church- didn’t happen


  • Run a half marathon distance (or race) before the end of the year (after taking 10 months off, not sure how long this goal will take to achieve!)
  • Live more in the present – I’m keeping this one with the babies coming – if I need this one I need it now more than ever as I am sure they will grow like weeds and one day I’ll wake up and wonder where the time went
  • Be the best mom I can be
  • Be flexible
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
  • Jenny gave birth to Landon in the fall
  • Megan S. had Harper this summer
  • Jenna had Nolan in the fall
  • Tiffany is due in a few weeks (again not in 2012 but close enough)
  • Megan H. had Lucas early this year
4. Did anyone close to you die?
5. What countries did you visit?
  • Does Ohio count? Because its a really long drive.
6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
  • Job stability
7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
  • January 14 – crossed the finish line of my second marathon. My favorite picture of this year was taken that day
    • me-kim-audri
    • February 20 – Bryan burns himself making fried chicken.  A trip to the VA ER is made.
    • March 11 – I learn that I have been running incorrectly – for the last 10 years. I spent the better part of the next few months trying to fix this
    • May 8 (ish) – Natalie graduates from college and we have a super fun weekend with contact paper in the process. We take pictures showing our immense maturity.faces
    • May 12( ish) – I decide to let go a little. We build a fence. We buy a new washer and dryer. We replace the downstairs floor.
    • Memorial Day – Rachel gets married. I get to be in the wedding. YAYme-and-rachel
    • July 12 – Our IUI cycle is canceled.I AM PISSED.
    • July 28 – I get my second tattoo
    • August 1 – I begin BC pills for the IVF
    • August 19- my 30th birthday. I attempted to make it big by skydiving, but it got canceled. Twice. I play a long weekend of softball tournament instead. We win. 🙂
    • September 18 – my first ever positive pregnancy test
    • October 4- we learn that both eggs stuck – we are having twins!
    • December 14 – we learn that Bubbles and Squishy are a girl and a boy!
    • December 25 – we publicly announce the boy and girl news
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
  • Finishing the marathon. Even though I’ve done this once, training sucks so much out of you that I consider both a huge accomplishment
  • Finally letting go a little (see above)
  • WOO HOO we’re pregnant!
9. What was your biggest failure?
  • Spending over half the year worrying and stressing about getting pregnant. I’m not even sure how much time I wished and stressed away. (unfortunately this still holds true from the year before – though I think I did better overall this year)
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
  • Other than the standard infertility and allergies, not really.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
  • New floors!!
12. Where did most of your money go?
  • Mortgage and bills, IVF
13. What did you get really excited about?

  • Running races, pregnancy
14. What song will always remind you of 2012
  • songs remind me more of events than years. So I guess maybe Titanium.
15. Compared to this time last year, are you:

  • – happier or sadder? happier!
  • – thinner or fatter?  HA Fatter!
  • – richer or poorer? About the same
16. What do you wish you’d done more of?
  • Vacations – mini or otherwise
17. What do you wish you’d done less of?
  • Stress about money – everything turned out to be fine
18. How did you spend Christmas?
  •  Went to Ohio to visit my mom, dad, sister, grandfather and aunt. It may very well be his last Christmas this year. 😦
19. What was your favorite TV program?
  • Modern Family
  • Dexter
  • Sister Wives
  • Breaking Amish
20. What were your favorite books of the year?

  • 50 Shades of Grey ( I know, I know ). I was lame and did not read much this year.
21. What was your favorite music from this year?

  • The new Muse album
  • Maroon 5 – One More Night
  • Ace of Base – I resurrected this one
  • Bruno Mars – Locked out of Heaven
  • Titanium – David Guetta
22. What were your favorite films of the year?
  • The Hunger Games
  • Flight
  • Seeking a Friend for the End of the World
23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
  • The big 30! I was supposed to go skydiving with a friend, but it was canceled due to weather. We ended up having dinner where B and I got engaged with a few friend who could make it last minute, and spent a night downtown.
24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
  • You know…..nothing.
25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?

  • I so don’t care. I just buy what I think is cute. And on sale. Bonus if its both.
26. What kept you sane?

  • My husband
  • My friends
  • Reading
  • Running
  • Blogging
27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012.
  • Expect the unexpected. Sometimes there just isn’t a good reason why things happen. In the end, though, I think it all turns out ok. At least it better.

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