Before the twins were born, I SWORE I would not be someone who waits until their kids are three to potty train. I didn’t want to deal with diapers longer than necessary, and dang it my kids were going to be SMART and train EARLY.

Today, they are 5 months away from turning 3 and, you guessed it, not trained. Miles has had a couple successes, and both will “try”, but largely the sh*t still hits the pull up.

Sadly though, the reason why they aren’t trained isn’t because they aren’t SMART and couldn’t train EARLY. Both get the concept.

Mom is lazy.

I am lazy.

I like waking up in the morning without having to rush someone to the toilet.

I like taking them for walks without worrying about when the last potty break was, or having to figure out how I’m going to run BOTH of them home when we get a block away and someone declares he has to pee.

I like taking them in the car for the same reason.

I like being able to let them play in chick fil a without having to drag both toddlers, one peeing, one screaming, because I simply can’t leave one in the play area alone while I take the other to pee.

Still, this has to happen sometime, right? We did kinda try this attempt once a couple months back, and then once last weekend. What we learned was that Abby is a stealth pee-er, and while Miles doesn’t appreciate peeing on himself, it isn’t enough to motivate him to stop.

Tonight, Miles declares he has to pee potty. Hooray! I think. So we will pull out his potty and he declares:

“Pee potty, lollapop” (lollipop)

Because in the past, I’ve given them one for just sitting on it, and now he thinks all he has to do is sit on it and he gets one.

“Pee potty lollapop, mommy”

“Sorry buddy” I say, “but if you want a lollipop, you actually have to pee IN the potty.”

He is silent

“Peeeee potttttyy lolllllapoooooop”

Sigh.

“Is there pee in the potty? You can have a lollipop if you pee IN the potty.”

He is starting to lose it now.

“PEEEEEEE POTTTTTTTY LOLLLLLLLOPOOOOOPPP!!!!!!”

Sigh.

There was no pee potty. There was no lollipop. My kid went to bed unhappy, and we have reached failed attempt number 2387293649827643.

Hand me a pull up.

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