The twins are napping, and for once, the house is so quiet I can hear the wind howling outside.
There are so many things to do. Laundry that needs to be started, floors that need to be mopped, toys that need to be picked up. Phone calls to be made, taxes to be started, dogs to be brushed/washed/walked or hell, even touched or spoken to with more than a “go lay down” when I nearly trip over them preparing lunch. I should make a budget, I should clean out the car (hey! I did one!), I should clean out the fridge, make a grocery list. Seriously, I could write an entire blog post on the things that are left undone.
Instead I sit here, staring at a blinking cursor.
Even when we went through infertility the thought of toddlers scared me. I wanted a baby. I was, in a way, afraid of toddlers. Now that I didn’t want toddlers, I was just unsure of how I would handle it. I can have a short fuse and very little patience if I’m in the wrong kind of mood. I
really dislike HATE whining. I understand why it happens; the twins are at an age where they want to exert more independence but don’t quite have the words to communicate that, so they cry. This morning, Abby threw a tantrum after she slipped and fell during a tantrum she was throwing because I took a long round peg out of her mouth so she wouldn’t hurt herself. Then, I laughed.
When she cried again for the 82738972348th time this morning, I had to take a deep breath.
I should pay more attention to them. I should read to them more.I should spend less time on this computer. I should make cutesy little crafts for them even though I am NOT a crafty person. I should be better at managing all of this. I should be constantly posting about how much I love my kids, all the time, especially after what we went through to have them. I should not feel a twinge of annoyance when they wake from a nap an hour early.
I should be honest and admit it isn’t always easy. Actually, I’m not even sure its the whining and crying that bothers me all that much. When other kids constantly whine and cry yes, I get annoyed, and sometimes when mine do I get annoyed, but really what I find I feel is guilt. Like I should be teaching them more words or somehow know how to stop it. But they are almost 2, they are going to have tantrums. I get that, logically, but emotionally I don’t always.
Sometimes I feel like life is testing me, and I have absolutely no idea how I am doing.
January 24, 2015 at 3:20 pm
Nodding yes, yes and yes again throughout your post. I hear you!
January 24, 2015 at 7:11 pm
Glad to know I’m not alone!
January 24, 2015 at 3:43 pm
I hear you! My nine months old has just started with the whining and I feel bad that I didn’t teach him more sign language or whatever… Truth is, it simply takes time. You are doing the best you can, you love them, you keep them safe.. And then sometimes you need some me-time:) that’s okay!
January 24, 2015 at 3:46 pm
I feel the same way. My nine months old started whining recently because, as you said, he wants to do things beyond his abilities… It’s hard and I tell myself I should teach him more sign language or whatever…. But I take heart in knowing it’s just a phase and when he feels frustrated I can encourage him. You are doing the best you can, you love them, you keep them safe … And sometimes you need some alone-time and that’s okay, too 😉
January 24, 2015 at 7:10 pm
yes, all of that is true. Sometimes when you’re lost in frustration or guilt you just forget. I appreciate the reminder!
January 24, 2015 at 4:30 pm
I feel the same way a lot of the time. There’s a mountain of things I should R doing it doing differently. Things I swore I would do if I could just bring home my children. I don’t have any advice nor would I be stupid enough to impart any suggestions for tackling this mountain. But I will say that I think you are doing an amazing job, enough when it feela the complete opposite. Hang in there. And know you’re not alone.
January 24, 2015 at 7:10 pm
Thank you, I really appreciate that 🙂
January 24, 2015 at 6:17 pm
This is a very hard age. 15-20 months is my favorite and 4 plus. That 2-3 year mark just comes with SO MUCH. You can do this. You really can. And all the sudden you are planning their kindergarten Valentine’s Day party thinking it was just yesterday that you and their Dad first fell in love. (Okay, maybe that part is specific to me 😄)
January 24, 2015 at 7:09 pm
Yes, yes it is a hard age. I knew that going into it but I think being IN it is different sometimes, especially with two!
January 25, 2015 at 8:34 am
Oh most definitely! My husband is having a much harder time this go at it. He doesn’t remember our oldest doing all these miserable things. I’m certain that the people who get offended at the phrase “double trouble” haven’t had 2-3 year old twins yet. 🙂
January 24, 2015 at 9:24 pm
I should be bathing my dog, or doing laundry or 100 other things, i should be prepared for the milestones mine is hitting but they still catch me by surprise and make me feel like a failure! And mine is 16, so get used to the feeling of being tested 🙂
January 24, 2015 at 11:30 pm
Yep, this post came at the perfect time for me. I’m actually about to write about the same topic myself! There’s too much to do. Way too many chores. I had to laugh about the dog comment, I make the same one X2 dogs. And then the kids – I run out of patience with my 18 month old twins too. Especially my son, his meltdowns are pretty wild. You’re not able to see the awesomeness you exude in front of your children so you wonder if it’s really there, but it is. Others can see it and your kids can feel it. Just keep swimming!
January 24, 2015 at 11:35 pm
I can’t imagine having 2 whiny toddlers at once! Emma’s whining goes through stages. When she’s really whiny, it drives me batty. I’d almost rather her throw tantrums than just whine about everything. And I also find it a challenge to balance getting stuff done and just spending time with Emma. But she is happier (less whiny) when I pay more attention to her so for both of our sakes, I’m trying to play more and accomplish less. It’s definitely a learning experience!
January 25, 2015 at 5:27 am
You are definitely not alone! Whining is a huge problem in our house and I now totally understand that joke that compares toddlers to drunk people…lol. They can just be so difficult to try to talk to sometimes! And the frustrating part for me is that LJ still does have good, normal, happy moments so it’s not like he can’t understand me or can’t communicate his needs. He just can’t for a moment and it only adds to the frustration all around. And on top of acting like an unreasonable drunk person, his mood swings are worse than mine while pregnant! He can go from happy and playful to total meltdown faster than how a chocolate craving sneaks up on you. And if you don’t have eyes on him every *SECOND* and fail to see what ticked him off THIS time, it’s even more impossible to calm him. Amiright?
And I echo your sentiment about not looking forward to this stage long before getting pregnant. In fact, I have to admit the baby phase intimidated me more. I liked the baby phase more than I thought but it’s really adolescents and teens that I’m skilled at. Luckily I found the toddler phase easier to deal with simply because he’s my kid. If that makes sense. I definitely have far less patience for it around our friends’ kids the same age.
It will get easier though, right? I just pray that, though my patience is thin, We’re laying enough of a foundation to build on later. We shall see…
January 25, 2015 at 11:05 pm
The whole toddler thing is a bit daunting to me too. I knew that having a baby would be something I could adapt to easily. I have LOTS of times that I am just not sure how we are going to get through the next tantrum with my sanity intact. Especially on days like today when we were up for hours in the night with teething pain and had a VERY cranky toddler all day. I can only imagine how it must be with TWO!!! But, that said I do find this age to be more fun than I thought it would be and am certainly enjoying this toddler time. 🙂
January 25, 2015 at 11:07 pm
Agree. To all of it 🙂
January 26, 2015 at 9:35 am
Ohhh toddlerhood, how I loathe thy! I went through infertility and now have 2 daughters, a 3 year old (who is going on 18) and a 15 month old. I grew up as an only child so this sibling rivalry stuff is so foreign to me. The pushing, kicking, stealing toys, etc….creating tantrums and full on meltdowns is exhausting! My husband is also gone a lot and at points 6-8 weeks at a time due to his business (owner/operator truck driver), so there are days when my annoyance with whining/crying/screaming is too much. I find solace in the fact that going to work is like daycare for me……..LOL
January 26, 2015 at 9:50 am
Haha agreed with work! Even after infertility I would not make a good stay at home mom. I was going nuts by the end of my maternity leave. And the whining…..ugh….
January 26, 2015 at 5:30 pm
I have 19 month old twins, and the whining with my son is OUT OF CONTROL. He is at home all day with the nanny and from what she reports and what I can see – very little whining – the minute I walk in the house it starts! We also went through IF and although every day I am so thankful for my munchkins, that doesn’t mean the constant whining and care taking isn’t hard -b/c it is! I’ve always heard if you care enough to wonder if you are doing ok, then you are probably doing amazing!
January 26, 2015 at 9:08 pm
The daycare teachers have never mentioned mine being whiny. Its like they turn it on as soon as they get home. Its partly comforting that I’ve heard that they are usually the worst around mom and dad because they trust you the most, but sometimes just….ugh.
January 28, 2015 at 6:12 pm
None of us have any idea what we are doing. Right when we think we do – wham…everything changes. 🙂 My little is 24 months. She has recently started whining. It has helped to tell her that whining is not an appropriate way to ask for something, and give her the words that I need her to say to get what she wants. She has started improving and whining less. 🙂
January 28, 2015 at 7:23 pm
I plan to do that too. I try now but they don’t have quite the vocab yet.
January 28, 2015 at 8:27 pm
ya…being so young….sometimes I forget what it was like 6 months ago. Its amazing how my memory fails me now. haha. You are doing an amazing job raising your 2 little sweeties! Thanks for sharing your journey.