The day after my long run Saturday, I was, perhaps not surprisingly, still sore. I plan Sunday to be my yoga day for a reason, but that day I was more sore and tired than usual. So instead of searching out my usual Power Yoga/Interval videos, I decided on a Therapeutic Yoga instead, figuring it would go at a slower pace and allow more stretching.
Typically, Power Yoga is yoga I prefer. I don’t sit still well, and often become impatient when I have to hold poses for what I feel is too long. I have this mentality that workouts should raise my heart rate and tend to feel like they are useless when it doesn’t. That day, even though my brain was wanting to push, my body needed the rest. Knowing that, though, didn’t make breathing through the longer series of stretches any easier for my brain that never stops, and I still felt myself feeling frustrated.
I’ve written before about how I’m not very good at staying in the moment, my mind wandering away like a curious toddler. At least during power yoga, my heart rate is high enough and I am moving quickly enough that I am, at least some of the time, able to focus my mind on my balance and breathing. I couldn’t do it sitting in these stretches. My mind was everywhere, mostly wondering if a recent change I’d decided to make was the right one.
When I began working after graduate school, I worked with adults for 2.5 years, but didn’t feel I was really making a difference. After that, I made a fairly large leap by switching over to pediatrics. As it happened, I worked for my current boss prior to graduate school in the office, and then as a semi-nanny to his son. I’ve since worked at his company for the last 4.5 years. For various reasons that I don’t feel the need to write about here, I fought with a decision to change work location for a good couple of months. It was by no means an easy decision, and I was breaking apart every detail, wondering if I’d made the right choice. I have fantastic co-workers and he gave me an opportunity he didn’t have to offer, which made the decision that much harder to make. Change makes me nervous, and though I’m more than wiling to stretch myself to the limit when it comes to physical fitness, in other aspects of my life I’m not as flexible.
When the video ended (I admit I did fast forward a little), I felt stretched but still unsettled, much like I did in my brain. I set a goal to hold a forearm stand by the end of 2014 and honestly haven’t practiced much until recently, realizing we are nearing the end of the year. Feeling somewhat desperate for something that would give me a feeling of success, I kicked my legs and up prepared to balance them against the wall. After a second, I realized something.
I was holding them up myself. I was holding the forearm stand without the wall.
Granted, this whole experience was over in about 3 seconds, but it was enough to make me realize that I’m more capable than I give myself credit for, and in this case, not physically, but mentally. I can stretch myself mentally as well, and make it out ok.
Time to move forward, and keep stretching.