Humans are inherently selfish.
Dr. Phil used to be one of my “guilty pleasure” shows up until even a few months ago. (By the time you guys are old enough to read this, you’ll have no idea what show I’m talking about.) I quit watching it because the people on the show started to DRIVE.ME.CRAZY fighting until the end in their attempt to justify whatever stupid behavior they involved themselves in.
This isn’t to say I’m not guilty of this. We all are. Somewhere in the mess though, the bigger picture gets lost. Until you have kids, your life is about you; maybe you and your spouse but mostly you. (Hopefully you’ll compromise with your husband/wife periodically, though. 😉 )
When you guys were born one of the first things your dad said he thought was “wow, it’s not about me anymore”. People tell you that but it doesn’t hit home until you are handed your baby and suddenly everything about your life changes. Now I get why people live in houses they hate so they don’t have to move their kids away from their friends. I start to get why couples think it’s better to stay together “for the kids”. The things in life that used to hold value still do, just to a lesser degree. I’m finding that in most cases what makes me happy is your happiness. I used to say finishing a marathon was my proudest moment – but then I gave birth, life changed, and so did my proudest moment. I used to say a 10 mile run was my days’ best accomplishment – until you both smiled back at me. My priorities and perspective took a drastic shift. Life is no longer about me, it’s about the two of you.
We all have our own agendas. I think we need to in order to not lose ourselves. What’s so frustrating are those people who absolutely CANNOT let go of theirs. You’ll know who I mean. Don’t be one of them. You both will have many relationship bumps over the years. Some totally warranted; others not at all. You’ll get angry; someone will get angry with you. Some issues will be huge and life changing, some you’ll laugh about later because you can’t even remember why you were angry in the first place. When that does happen though, remember this: your friend, dad, son, brother etc is not a mind reader. Talk about whatever the issue is. Resolve it – or not. You can always agree to disagree. But don’t shoulder an unnecessary grudge. Learn what things are worth fighting over and what things are best let go. Be the bigger person. Be the adult. Don’t lose sight of the bigger picture.
Remember what is most important.