Catching our Rainbow had a fabulous idea involving a consistent post where we take any one of the various lies we tell ourselves and metaphorically throw it out the window (though if we could literally throw it out the window it would be much more fun). As individuals who have gone through/are undergoing infertility, we really need to be nicer to ourselves. Quite frankly, though, I think this really fits for most of us on a regular basis regardless of what we are going through – we all tend to be a bit too hard on ourselves.
The point was that it was supposed to be a Kindness Friday, but clearly it is no longer Friday. I am slacking – partially because I wasn’t exactly sure how to introduce this concept – using lies I used to tell myself through infertility treatments or the ones I find myself stuck in now that we are expecting babies in a few weeks (yikes!!)
I decided to start with past as I feel this is really important, particularly today when everyone is posting pics of their kids with their baskets and eggs (and I’m not saying you shouldn’t, just saying that if you are in the middle of fertility treatments they can be hard to see). In hindsight you often see more clearly and in this case it was no different. If you haven’t yet gotten how infertility can really take you over, let me share 3 lies I used to tell myself, ones that I think we’ve probably all told ourselves at some point in time. I may be pregnant now but that does not mean I will ever forget the roller coaster we rode on for 3 years to get here.
If I can’t have children, I must not deserve them.
- I have to say that it doesn’t help here when (well meaning) people remind you constantly to relax or how young you are, because then it feels as if you are doing something wrong.But the bigger issue is that we’ve somehow convinced ourselves that we don’t deserve children. That kind of thought makes you feel like less of a person. On the contrary – we (infertiles) are some of the strongest people I know. And while I realize its MUCH easier to speak in hindsight, QUIT DOING THAT NONSENSE. It’s simply not even close to true. And I’d be happy to remind anyone just how strong they really are.
I must have done something in my past and infertility is my punishment.
- I won’t lie when I say that I wondered if I was being punished somehow for my failed first marriage and all that came with it. The fact is that infertility is due to a series of physical issues on one or both sides that have absolutely NOTHING to do with ANYTHING you might have thought, said, or done in the past. I had to remind myself of this, and yet still found it difficult.
I must be infertile because it means I’d be a bad parent
We all need to be kinder to ourselves.
Next week I’ll actually try to post on Friday…..
March 31, 2013 at 12:28 pm
Thanks for sharing Theresa! It’s just so important that we face these things and speak kindness over ourselves. I appreciate your bravery and honesty.
March 31, 2013 at 12:37 pm
Thanks. You know the sad part is if someone else said any of
Those things us we’d defend ourselves (and rightfully so) but somehow we accept it when we say it. Not cool, you know?
March 31, 2013 at 1:54 pm
Great idea. And I agree, bullshit to those thoughts and lies we more or less can convince ourself is the reason for all things infertility! Babies in a few weeks, Crikey! as they say over here 😉
March 31, 2013 at 2:07 pm
The sad part is, and I said this to someone else too, is that if someone else said any of these things to us we’d rightfully defend ourselves. Yet somehow it’s acceptable from us.
Crickey is right!!