Today is probably the first (and likely only) day I’ve ever been excited about being at the dentist. I mean I’m sorry, but who enjoys being jabbed in the mouth with sharp objects?I always brush my teeth right before but I always have this fear that I’m going to have bad breath even though they all wear masks. Then my teeth feel sensitive all day. And trying to keep your tongue out of the way? And why do I always get a million nose itches in that chair? Ok, I digress. But today when I got there, the lady told me that I was due for some bite wing x-rays. And I got to say:
“You can’t, I am pregnant”
I made it till about 10pm Tuesday night until I caved. I failed to mention that, for a reason that I still can’t explain, I had the urge to look at that test again Monday morning – a full 48 hours later. And there was a second line. Now, I am full aware that tests can’t technically be read for longer than 10 minutes after, but I also knew that positives tend to STAY on the tests, and while it was a faint line, it was clearly there. There was no squinting or moving to better light required.
At first I thought maybe it was an evaporation line, and that oddly gave me some comfort that the negative test I took wasn’t really EVER valid to begin with. I felt like I was back to square one. But Tuesday evening in my weird attempt to distract myself (I had purchased a book that day and apparently decided Googling random pee stick pictures would be a better form of distraction…), I starting Googling pictures of people who had posted successive pictures of tests to see the line getting darker. You know what I noticed? Their several day old tests looked a lot like mine.
That was it. I couldn’t wait anymore. And it just so happened (ahem) that I had to use the bathroom.
I used an Answer test first, preferring to dip rather than actually pee ON the stick, because I would totally pee on myself. (Though I’m not sure how having a cup of pee on any household surface is any less gross, really) The test line showed up before the control line did. Shaking, I hauled my butt upstairs for my digital, because for some reason no one, including myself, can believe a test now until you get the one that clearly tells you “pregnant”. I yelled at my dog for getting underfoot (what? he might spill the pee!) and held that thing in the cup for what felt like the longest 20 seconds (seriously? 20 seconds? is that some kind of torture?) and waited for the little hourglass to turn into something.
And then there it was, the word that I sometimes never thought I’d see – pregnant.
I stared at them both, for awhile. And then I realized that the test line on the first test was actually DARKER than the control line.
I was totally knocked up. I called Bryan. I called my best friend. I called my mom. Not telling anyone this soon be damned – I waited too long for this. I briefly debated running outside and screaming, but didn’t particularly want the police at my house.
I slept maybe 5 hours Tuesday night.
It was definitely easier to get through work knowing at least I had a positive test. My nurse called me about 11:45 and asked me how I was feeling.
“Fine” I said
“Are you feeling pregnant?” she asked.
The beta test was definitely positive. She said they like to see a number over 75- and my number? 408
Tomorrow I go back for a repeat blood test to see if the numbers are doubling. Even when you get good news, its still a waiting game. Since I’ve been public about all of this from the get to I debated on waiting until at least tomorrows number, but decided that I refuse to give in to the anxiety, and take things one day at a time. We still have a few hurdles to get over, and I know that.
Today, I am pregnant. And damnit, I’m going to enjoy it.