It’s a good thing I’m not afraid of needles.
Needles have found their way into my life much more frequently lately. Each morning I unwrap a new injection needle and methodically give myself my daily Lupron dose. (which have so far not come with any crazy side effects!woo hoo!)
Today I found myself feeling anxious. As in, lets get the Lupron injections over with already (if you recall I felt the same way about the birth control) and just do this thing. As a matter of fact, lets just get the whole thing over with so I can find out of it worked.
I’ve thought this to myself before and I’m realizing it again -that my tendency to have more of an anxious personality makes me miss things. Here I am two days before a big birthday, before a big cool event in my life and I am essentially wishing it would be over so I can move on with this cycle.
I had my acupuncture appointment today and it couldn’t have come at a better time. Not only was it incredibly relaxing (and included a massage! Score!) but the girl specifically told me that once the needles (more needles!!) were placed I was to try my absolute best to block everything else out of my mind and relax. Apparently an active brain takes some of the blood flow from the places the needles are targeting. Not an easy feat for a girl whose brain is constantly on warp speed (and who had forgotten to plan for a tip and spent the half the massage wondering if I had enough money in my wallet to tip her…and wondering if there was a tactful way to explain my blunder had I not had any money on me so the girl wouldn’t think I was a cheapskate come my next session and poke me a little too hard with the next set of needles).
I was already there, clearly nothing could be done about it right then. (and, as it turned out, I had the perfect amount of cash in my wallet) So I made myself stop and breathe – counting in to four and out to four so I could just let it go. It worked, and I was able to spend that 20 minutes actually relaxing. (what a concept)
Prior to the cycle starting I spent a lot of time anxious about the money – about how much it was going to cost and about how many million other things I could do with it. About the unfairness that I was stuck in this situation in the first place. In the car on the way home instead I thought about what this experience so far HAS gotten me – an incredible amount of support from friends, family, and other fellow bloggers. People who are rooting me on and praying for me. The skydiving on Sunday that I never would have bought had I not been in this situation at this point in my life. My 2nd marathon. This blog, and the recent inquiry from Mindy Berkson on twitter saying how touched she was by my blog and would like to contribute a guest post. (how cool is that?!)
This isn’t to say that if this cycle doesn’t work I won’t be completely devastated, because I will. But I need to add something else to my IVF bucket list – be more in the moment.
I may have to continue to stick myself with needles, but don’t have to constantly be on pins and needles.
One day at a time.