I feel like I’m a big fan of the analogies lately.
One of the (many) things I dislike about this experience with infertility, besides the obvious, is the emotional ups and downs. Generally, I love roller coasters, especially the high ones with the steepest hills. Unfortunately though, as I’ve gotten a bit older, I can’t run from ride to ride without feeling a little vertigo or spin around too many times without feeling slightly nauseous. I love the rides but have less tolerance.
As the months tick by, I have less tolerance. And the rides are getting old.
I have meant every word of the last few posts about living life more fully, letting go and doing things for Bryan and I. I’m still super (nerd) excited about installing the floors and washing 21 towels (I don’t even own 21 towels but I’ll find some!) in our new super big high efficiency washing machine. I can’t wait to see if the allergen cycle really does remove pet dander and for fun I’ll probably throw a decorative pillow in the dryer’s steam cycle. The last several weeks, I’ve been more relaxed than I have been in over a year, and for me that is a big deal. I plan to continue this trend. By this point I get that the disappointment, like the hills of a rollercoaster, are just temporary. At the same time, though, its still part of the ride.
Another blogger posted recently about wishing for an off button. Though it isn’t in the same context, I get it. Sometimes, I want a hope off button. Because when hope doesn’t pan out, it leads to depression, jealousy and brief moments of wanting to admit defeat. (And wine drinking – but that one’s not so bad) Sometimes, hope sneaks up on you in the form of disappointment, because you don’t even realize until you’re disappointed that you were hoping in the first place. Sometimes, hope is the hardest hill to climb, the part of the ride that leaves you dizzy. But it’s also what keeps you getting back on the ride.
While I know logically that each dip isn’t forever, I still dread them, wondering if it’s ever finally going to work. If month after month of this kind of collision with disappointment is really worth it. If I”ll ever get to do more than just watch everyone else get off the ride. If I’m going to be left alone on this one-washing 21 towels used by 2 people and 2 dogs. I just want to enjoy the next ride with (what feels like) everyone else. Is that really too much to ask?
Regardless of what I think or say now, though, you’ll see me again in a few days, standing in the same line to sit in the same seat, hoping this time I’ll be in the front of the line.
Because I’m crazy, I love rollercoasters, and hope is what helps me get back on.
Wave to me as I climb up the hill.
May 30, 2012 at 11:34 pm
I’m right there with you. I really used to love rollercoasters until they became my life. I hope we both get off this ride soon!
June 2, 2012 at 10:15 am
me too!!!
May 31, 2012 at 9:17 am
No it’s not too much to ask. I just wish we could enjoy the ride somehow but that seems impossible right now..
June 2, 2012 at 10:15 am
agreed
May 31, 2012 at 10:32 am
I could have written this post. I
ts not too much to ask. There have been so many BFPs in the blogosphere lately, and on a Fertility board I post in, and at the clinic I go to. I keep asking myself “where is mine”. I hate the petty feelings that wash over me. I dont even like to admit I have them or acknowledge them, but they are there.
Hope and faith are the two things I struggle with most. And what I am starting to realize is that its not something you are given, its something you give yourself.
I will be here waving at you, for as long as you need.
June 2, 2012 at 10:16 am
I get those petty feelings too. I think its normal but I still hate it just like you do. Hopefully we can both get off this ride soon.
June 1, 2012 at 7:07 pm
Beautiful analogy. I’m a fan of those too… they can really help with perspective and finding ways to express thoughts and feelings that aren’t easilly accessed. I’m sick of this particular rollarcoaster too. I hope niether of us has to be on it for too much longer.
June 2, 2012 at 10:17 am
amen!
June 1, 2012 at 7:34 pm
I know the rollercoaster ride. I think I’m stuck on the obe that just spins around and around this week. Can you hear the screams?
June 2, 2012 at 10:17 am
yeah, I think they’re all in my head. lol
June 2, 2012 at 5:45 pm
I too want a hope off button. Just when I think I can turn it off, someone says something that gets my hopes up and the cycle begins again. So, focus on that awesome washer. 21 towels!! Holy crap. I am impressed. During my last IVF Hubs and I painted the bathroom. It was so much fun and just what we needed to do to move our focus elsewhere. Helped smooth out the dips in the roller coaster. =-)
June 3, 2012 at 8:24 am
yeah staying busy definitely helps keep me sane!!
If you ever need a bunch of towels washed, you know where to find me 🙂