I don’t normally like to watch alot of television.

Its not the staring at screens that’s the problem, because I’ll usually then switch to either my phone screen or my computer screen. One would think I’d have a constant headache. (the husband screen does periodically get attention). Part of it has to do with my horrible attention span (I can’t sit through a whole movie without wanting to get up) and my weird need to constantly keep moving. I’m not sure if I’ve always been like that or if it has just recently occurred as a result of adulthood, but I know I drive my husband nuts because he likes to watch movies, and usually after one I’m done (if I can make it through that one in the first place)

I did watch quite a bit of TV as a kid. Specifically I remember watching episode after episode of Doug and The Rugrats on Nickelodeon. I also loved Salute Your Shorts, Legends of the Hidden Temple, Clarissa Explains it All and sometimes The Secret World of Alex Mack. I remember Saturday morning Looney Tunes and watching The Price Is Right at 11am every weekday in the summer. I also had a weird addiction to Rescue 911 (and would then be scared to death of the possibility of an electrical fire). And lets not forget TGIF every Friday, my personal favorites being Boy Meets World, Step by Step and Family Matters.

I’m pretty sure I was too busy in high school to watch much TV.

In college I religiously watched Dr Phil. And Gilmore Girls. In fact, I own all 7 seasons on DVD and may or may not have played through them all once twice three or more times since then. I also may or may not still be annoyed with the way they ended the show. I may or may not have at one time considered naming a child Loreli and nickaming her Rory. In fact, if the show were still airing, I would still be watching.

Now, I have a few shows I follow. I watched Dexter religiously until we no longer had Showtime (but I’ll find a way to catch up somehow), The Office and Modern Family. My guilty pleasures include Dr Phil (yeah I still watch it) and Sister Wives.

Reality television was typically never my cup of tea. Survivor? Dumb. The Bachelor? Dumber. Dancing with the Stars? No thanks. America’s Next Top Model? Barf. I did like The Apprentice at first but quit watching it after a couple seasons.

THEN, I discovered Hoarders. Long Island Medium. Gold Rush Alaska. Wipeout. (I would so rock Wipeout). Sister Wives. Intervention. Obsessed. Taboo. And don’t even get me started on Storage Wars.

Admittedly, I don’t watch every episode. But when a few pop up on my DVR, which I now do not know how to live without, I am glued.

Rewind to this past weekend.

As I mentioned before, usually after a couple hours of TV, I’ve had enough. I don’t know if it was stress lately or pure laziness, but I turned on the TV on Sunday morning, planning to watch a couple of shows and relax and then tackle my To Do list (steam clean rugs, paint second coat on hallway walls that I did first coat on 6 months ago), i.e. be productive.

I chuckled at a couple episodes of Wipeout…..and then I started to watch Locked Up Abroad.

And it was all over. I didnt see the outside of my house, or even the upstairs for that matter, all day. No I take that back – I did finally shower at 5pm. I did see the bathroom a couple of times. I literally watched a full work days’ worth of television. I’m pretty sure my brain rotted and my IQ dropped a few points. The rugs? Still dirty. The walls? Unpainted. The couch? Nicely dented from my bottom. My motivation? BAHAHAHAHA! On the plus side, I did learn about what NOT to do when attempting to smuggle drugs across the border (like, DON’T DO IT!). I honestly can’t remember the last time (with the exception of illness) that I spent that much time on the couch staring at the TV screen.

Sadly, though I didn’t spend all day Monday watching TV, I didn’t get anything done that day either. Have you ever noticed that the less you do, the less you feel like doing? The only productive things I accomplished over the 3 day weekend were running, two loads of laundry (only one folded), and grocery shopping. We were out of everything.

So to you, brain rotting, IQ sucking Television (or maybe I should blame cable?), an Ode:

I made a list of things to do

A few items to work through

But I can’t do my best

Until I’ve watched Obsessed

And one more episode of Taboo

To use the paintbrush on my wall

And clean the carpets in the hall

But I can’t pick up the brush

Until I’ve watched Gold Rush

Not just one show, but them all

To overcome the TV’s power

From sucking me in one more hour

But I want to see the lives

Of the four Sister Wives

Its 5pm, guess I should shower

But I’ll turn on The Office instead

To hear a few “that’s what she said”

Ok I’ve had my find

I’m finally going to be done

Because now its time for bed

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