It’s not big secret that infertility has been difficult for me. (no, that’s not the secret) In fact, I have the type of personality where once I decide on something, darn it, I’m gonna do it, so having limited control over this situation has been particularly frustrating.

I’m at a point in my cycle now (I’ve ovulated and am beginning the countdown to when mother nature usually visits) where I’ve spent the last few months doing this battle in my head – getting excited over the idea of potentially getting pregnant and trying to keep reality in check. Inevitably, so far, I’ve been disappointed, tears have been shed, moodiness and snarkiness (beyond my usual) has been dished out, and after awhile it really starts to take a toll on you. Every month I’d tell myself I was going to relax and every month I’d suck myself back into the circle instead.

A couple of weekends ago Bryan and I were outside doing some yard work when a neighbor drove by. I can’t remember how the topic presented itself, but she mentioned a book/documentary (Its on Netflix if anyone is interested) that a friend of hers had tried and found some success in: The Secret. I’d heard of it before but didn’t know much about it. I actually thought originally that it was a religious based thing. That night Bryan and I watched the documentary. At first I thought it was kinda hokey, but I figured in the end it was worth a shot. So, I ordered the book on Amazon:

So here’s the story. The Secret is pretty simple actually. Its based largely on the Law of Attraction, which basically says that like attracts like. So when you think a thought, you are attracting other like thoughts. The problem is that most of us spend more of our time thinking about what we DON’T want: I don’t want to be in debt, I don’t want to get my heart broken again. I don’t want to see another negative pregnancy test. However, the law of attraction doesn’t make this distinction and hears “I want to be in debt” “I want my heart broken again” ” I want another negative pregnancy test”

Sounds a little crazy, right? I thought so, at first. Like, the universe is listening to my thoughts?  Come on. But as I listened to some of the contributors stories of their successes, I thought well, it certainly can’t HURT.

Specifically I remember one of the success stories being Jack Canfield, author of the Chicken Soup series. He decided that he was going to ask to make 100k in a year. He had no idea how. He pictured it in his mind. He took a one dollar bill, added a few zeros and taped it to his ceiling as a daily visual reminder. He said that four weeks into it, he had a hundred thousand dollar idea, and since one of the secrets is to trust an inspired thought, he did just that, and then told his story of how he made 92,227k. Not quite100k, but I’m sure he didn’t care. My friend who told me about the book had a success story from a friend of hers regarding not having enough money to visit family in a foreign country that she hasn’t seen for years, and one after believing it would happen somehow, a sister called her with the money.

The book gives 3 steps:

1. Ask – Be clear about what you want. Say ” I want to make 50,000 in six months ” “I want to find the love of my life “. Heck, ask for a neon green pair of spandex if that’s what your heart desires.

2. Believe – You have to believe what you want and what you asked for is yours the moment you ask. You must have faith that it will happen. (this part is my problem!). It says you must “act, speak and think as though you are receiving it now”. Make- believe like you did as a child and picture yourself with what you are asking for. (I am so picturing someone picturing themselves in neon green spandex now)

3. Receive – “Ask once, believe you have received, and all you have to do to receive is feel good. When you are feeling good, you are on the frequency of receiving. (Bring on the neon!!)

The book then goes on to explain a few more specific but more common wants: weight loss, money, love, etc. It also addresses gratitude. Make a list of things to be grateful for. Every day wake up and say thank you and think about what you are grateful for. And the Law of Attraction will receive those thoughts and give you more like them. It even suggests sort of writing out a thank you for the things you are asking for (Thank you for the love of my life……in neon green spandex…..hey I dunno, maybe the wisher has a weird fetish)

Perhaps Henry Ford was onto something when he said “Whether you believe you can, or believe you can’t, you are usually right”

Oddly, even though logically the whole thing seems kinda crazy to me ( I mean, you think things and you get them? what?), I actually found myself feeling calmer after watching it. Maybe it is a little crazy, but its still based on faith and positive thinking as far as I can interpret it. And faith is believing in things you can’t see, right? So I’m acting on a bit of what I can only describe as an instinct. I’m not sure how this works in the world of biology, but I’m hoping that’s where the faith (not logic) comes in.

In the meantime I’m focusing my energies on training, trying to enjoy time with friends and family, playing softball etc. Perhaps I’m doing nothing but exchanging one obsession for another. Plus I’m sure I’ll need to reference this post and that book a few thousand times. (what? me? stress?) But in the end I know that I’ve felt more at peace with everything surrounding all of this infertility frustration than I have in awhile – and even if that’s all I get for awhile, I think its still worth it.

It will be my turn soon! Until then, I’ll just kick some running ass 😉