Oh My Aching Back (34 weeks)

The Good

• 34 weeks is a GREAT milestone. Babies born now have just about as good a chance as full term babies. At this point we’d probably have to spend some time at the hospital for feeding and/or breathing support but in the end we’d take them home and they should be healthy long term. I’ve finally reached a point where I feel more relaxed. Still shooting for at least another week though
• In 4 weeks or less, we will have two babies.
• Yeah, I can’t believe it either.
• Seriously? Four weeks or less?
• Somehow I’ve managed to make it through this pregnancy without being put on bed rest. Though I’m about to put myself on it…more on that below.
• Still having lots of belly dance parties. I like belly dance parties.

The Bad

• Oy. Vey. I’d always wondered what my threshold was gonna be before I started hurting and apparently its about 8.5-9lbs of baby. I made it through last week pretty intact but its only gotten worse. My back hurts constantly and my super squished stomach still makes it hard to eat, though its been better the last few days.  I’m just glad I haven’t lost any more weight. We had another hospital visit this past Sunday thanks to some back pain coming in waves that I wanted to make sure wasn’t back labor. It wasn’t, but I was dehydrated. They checked me as well and found that I am still only dilated 1cm, which is a relief. Unfortunately I’ve already left work early twice this week. The gig is about up on working full time I suspect, which I plan on asking about at my appt tomorrow.  Quite frankly though, I’m impressed I made it to this point!

The Weird and Amusing

• Belly size – every week I say I can’t imagine it getting bigger and yet somehow it does. I was measuring 41 weeks a week ago so I’m interested to see what it is now. It feels like a monstrosity. A belly monstrosity.
• I’m sorry but it still feels like aliens are invading my belly and trying to crawl out. At least they are cute aliens
• I went to one of those places over the weekend where you go, drink wine (well, water) and they take you through step by step to paint a picture for a friends birthday. I had done this once before and literally threw the picture away on my way out the door it was so bad (seriously, it was bad – I got looks it was that bad) so I was nervous about this one, but this one turned out much better.

This week by the numbers:

Number of times I’ve been told I’m about to pop: 0 – surprisingly. Though it was kinda asked in other ways. I got quite a few “when are you due?”s and even one “wow you’re still pregnant”. Um, yeah. I did appreciate the “wow you still look so skinny!” I got today.

Number of times I’ve been told I’m “all belly”: at least 10. Probably more

Number of people I’ve hit with my stomach: 0, but I did hit a plate today. (Stacy!)

Number of Love it or List It episodes watched: 7 and possibly counting depending on if more record. Unfortunately they are starting to loop now which means I have to find another show soon.

Number of A Baby Story episodes watched: its an embarrassing number.

Number of items I’ve had in my hands that I’ve dropped on the floor: basically everything. I.am.dropping.all.the.things

Waist size: 42.5″

Weight gain: 33lbs thanks to some weight loss over the last week.

New pic at Bubbles and Squishy

An Ode to Super Squished Stomach

This post could be categorized as “first world problems regarding my pregnancy” – so I get it if you don’t want to read on:

A few previously pregnant friends tried to warn me a couple weeks ago: that the time would come where I WANT to eat but would be unable to ingest much.

HA! I thought.

Turns out there is also a reason why docs recommend gaining most of your weight early on in a twin pregnancy. Suddenly, it all made sense. I should have expected it really because in the last few weeks I’ve noticed my stomach moving precariously  towards my ribs – I’d bend over and my stomach would gurgle  in a much much higher location than previously. So bizarre. Something happened literally between Monday and Tuesday last week and suddenly my normal sized I-can-still-eat-whatever-I-want-stomach turned into I-ate-a-bagel-two-and-a-half-hours-ago-and-I’m-still-full-and-burping-cream-cheese stomach.

A friend of mine (Megan!) recommended Prilosec 24 hour. Its helped with the burping but hasn’t so much magically created more room in there.

This morning I stepped on the scale to discover I had lost 3 lbs and for once in my life did not jump for joy. It is now officially time to commence: Operation Liquid Calories. Because the problem with feeling full all the time is that I don’t want to drink either, which doesn’t bode well for staying hydrated.

Regardless of what I eat or drink I tend to still feel full from it several hours later.

This uncomfortable yet inevitable milestone obviously deserves an Ode:

Theres no space for my stomach

(The babies, they called dibs)

Because it seems to have relocated

Up closer to my ribs

I want a slice of that, I think

From the local pizza place

Except the cereal from this morning

Has taken up all the space

Well maybe in two hours

I can indulge in some pie

My stomach smiles, winks at me

And whispers, ha -nice try

The Fun Begins (33 weeks)

The Good

• Every week is another week closer to 35-36 weeks and every day is another day closer to possibly being able to take the babies home with us. I’ve read that every day in utero is equivalent to 3 days in the NICU – so lets keep them in!
• At this point we *should* be able to avoid the NICU and would probably just need a few weeks in a special care nursery.
• I’m still amazed every time I see my stomach move.
• Going to weekly doc appts now which makes me rest a bit easier in between
• Holy cow we are going to have two babies in a few weeks
• Nursery is being wrapped up this weekend!

The Bad

• Holy cow. Its like someone turned on a switch. I can’t say I expected to make it through this pregnancy discomfort free, but I did expect to have a little heads up. Because for real something happened between Monday and yesterday and suddenly I went from mildly uncomfortable but still doing fine to my stomach has shrunk to the size of nothing and so I’m constantly burping up everything I put in my mouth and what I don’t burp makes me feel icky and queasy. In addition to that, my back has apparently, in the span of less than 24 hours, decided to say “I’m done!” and so now it is sore almost all day.
• Working.is.getting.hard. And I sit almost all day.

 

The Weird and Amusing

• I have, uh, apparently started producing….uh….nourishment for the babies. You know what I mean. And yes I realize that’s been in the works for awhile but this morning I got proof.  That was weird.
• At the latest doc appt I did not get a cervix check. They put a lot of stock in the negative Fetal Fibronectin which is supposed to last me about another week. Sure hope they are right. (So far they have been so I guess I can’t complain)
• Holy cow we are going to have two babies in a few weeks.
• My fundal height and waist size are almost equal, making me basically the perfect beach ball.

This Week By The Numbers

• Fundal height: 41″
• Waist size: ~42″
• Pounds gained: 36 and counting
• Number of times I’ve been told I look like I’m going to pop: 2. One person even said “when are you due? today?”.
• Number of things or people I’ve smacked with my stomach: quite a few
• Number of times a night I’m up to pee: 2-3 (this has lessened some thankfully)
• Number of pedicures I’ve gotten “because I can’t reach my toes”: 2
• Number of times I’ve thought: holy cow I’m going to have two babies in a few weeks: I’ve lost count

New picture at Bubbles and Squishy

 

 

Stuff I Want My Kids to Know #4: Pride Isn’t Just for Lions

Ok, so I realize that the use of pride and lions isn’t really in the correct context for what I’m shooting for here. A lion’s pride really refers to a social group while the type of pride I’m referring to is about pride in yourself, but the title sounded catchy and I liked it, so there.

I wrote about my dads eulogy for my grandfather a couple of months back. Since I wasn’t able to make the trip up for the services I asked him to send it to me so I could read it. One paragraph in particular struck me, and I have to say I almost laughed a little.

I see life as more about the little things. That isn’t to say I don’t get wrapped up in the big things (i.e. infertility) but generally feel like if you spend all of your time worrying about the big things you’re going to miss something. It was a series of little things that contributed to the decline of my first marriage and that isn’t something that I’d care to repeat. In fact in hindsight most major life events can be, in my opinion, tied together by the little things that came before it. It is why I am big on compliments and like to periodically give little gifts. It is also why I find myself feeling strangely proud of the weirdest things: cleaning the kitchen, making my husband breakfast (which generally consists of heating a bowl of oatmeal in the microwave, my workout schedule, planting a few flowers in the front yard.

I almost laughed a little because this is what my dad wrote:

“He always took pride in everything he did.  As many a teacher will attest, even the blackboards at the school were so clean you could not see a speck of chalk dust on them.  He would say to me a job worth doing is a job worth doing well.  Well, he actually didn’t say that, it was more like, Butch, if you’re going to do something no matter what it is or how small a job it is, do it right.  It says a lot about you.

Years later in the Marine Corps I was using a floor buffer.  I was taking delight in how great my newly waxed floor was buffing up, for I had many hours of practice on the buffer on the basement floor of this church.  I said to one of my buddies hey look how nice this floor looks, taking pride in my work.  He said, “Izzy why do you take pride in doing a good job on such a menial task.  I looked him right in the eye and said.  If you are going to do something no matter what it is or how small a job it is, do it right, it says a lot about you.  He looked back at me and I could see he was thinking about that.  He said you know I never really looked at it that way.”

Strangely I don’t remember ever having a conversation about this and yet it was something I found I followed anyway – taking pride in what you do, regardless of how big or small it is.

Get an A on a test? Be proud.

Clean your room? Be proud.

Accomplish something big? Be proud.

I know mom and dad will be.

Two Hundred (32 weeks)

The Good

• This post marks this blogs’ 200th post. At post One Hundred, I wrote “Here’s to another 100 posts, which will hopefully soon start me towards another finish line: motherhood.” If someone had commented and told me I’d be 32 weeks pregnant for post number 200, I would have laughed. And yet, here we are. Wow.
• 32 weeks means we can now deliver at our local hospital! But obviously we want the babies to keep cooking because birth at 32 weeks would still require a few weeks in the hospital. Next goal: 34 weeks!
• Belly dance parties!
• Going for weekly checkups
• Another growth scan Friday!
• All in all still getting around pretty well- at least I think so.

The “Bad”

• At the last checkup I found out I’m 1cm dilated, though they didn’t seem particularly concerned. But they ran a Fetal Fibronectin which thankfully came back negative, which means I should be good still for the next two weeks. Still lets hope there is no more progress between now and next appt.
• Back is definitely hurting by the end of the day
• Work makes me tired. Zzzzz

The Weird and Amusing

• Getting dressed in the morning – its just funny to watch. Trust me. One of these days I’m going to end up on the floor like a turtle on its back, rolling around unable to get back up. I’ll be…down in….just….a second….I swear.
• Still bumping into things with my belly. Clearly I have no idea where it is in space.
• Getting out of bed is another funny thing, involving a 3 step process of sitting up by pushing on the bed or Bryan, working my feed around to the floor and then using the momentum to get out of the bed where I then waddle to the bathroom because one or both of my hips are probably still slightly asleep.
• When I get back into bed, I kinda just…..fall in. An “oomph” may or may  not get uttered in the process.
• Bryan says I’m snoring. I’m sure this is also cute and definitely falls on the list he no doubt makes in his head of things he loves about his hugely pregnant wife

This week in numbers:

• Number of times I’ve been told I’m about to pop: 3
• Number of things I’ve hit with my belly: who knows
• Pounds gained: +35. Holy cow. (moooo – dang now I want ice cream)
• Number of times I’ve thought to myself wow, we are going to have babies soon (but not too soon): too many to count, and I still don’t totally believe it

And now for a funny picture

Why hello up there

Weekly pic at Bubbles and Squishy

Practicing Kindness

Catching our Rainbow had a fabulous idea involving a consistent post where we take any one of the various lies we tell ourselves and metaphorically throw it out the window (though if we could literally throw it out the window it would be much more fun). As individuals who have gone through/are undergoing infertility, we really need to be nicer to ourselves. Quite frankly, though, I think this really fits for most of us on a regular basis regardless of what we are going through – we all tend to be a bit too hard on ourselves.

The point was that it was supposed to be a Kindness Friday, but clearly it is no longer Friday. I am slacking – partially because I wasn’t exactly sure how to introduce this concept – using lies I used to tell myself through infertility treatments or the ones I find myself stuck in now that we are expecting babies in a few weeks (yikes!!)

I decided to start with past as I feel this is really important, particularly today when everyone is posting pics of their kids with their baskets and eggs (and I’m not saying you shouldn’t, just saying that if you are in the middle of fertility treatments they can be hard to see). In hindsight you often see more clearly and in this case it was no different. If you haven’t yet gotten how infertility can really take you over, let me share 3 lies I used to tell myself, ones that I think we’ve probably all told ourselves at some point in time. I may be pregnant now but that does not mean I will ever forget the roller coaster we rode on for 3 years to get here.

If I can’t have children, I must not deserve them.

• I have to say that it doesn’t help here when (well meaning) people remind you constantly to relax or how young you are, because then it feels as if you are doing something wrong.But the bigger issue is that we’ve somehow convinced ourselves that we don’t deserve children. That kind of thought makes you feel like less of a person. On the contrary – we (infertiles) are some of the strongest people I know. And while I realize its MUCH easier to speak in hindsight, QUIT DOING THAT NONSENSE. It’s simply not even close to true. And I’d be happy to remind anyone  just how strong they really are.

I must have done something in my past and infertility is my punishment.

• I won’t lie when I say that I wondered if I was being punished somehow for my failed first marriage and all that came with it. The fact is that infertility is due to a series of physical issues on one or both sides that have absolutely NOTHING to do with ANYTHING you might have thought, said, or done in the past. I had to remind myself of this, and yet still found it difficult.

I must be infertile because it means I’d be a bad parent

• Bullshit.

We all need to be kinder to ourselves.

Next week I’ll actually try to post on Friday…..

Beach Ball Belly (31 weeks)

The Good

• We are a mere week away from the point where I feel like I can breathe easier. Not that I haven’t been grateful for the other milestones, but for us 32 weeks means we can deliver at our local hospital and should be able to avoid the NICU because they have a Level 2 nursery (unless there are other complications of course but I’m just pretending that won’t happen). 7 days, and yes I’m counting.
• Holy moving babies batman!
• Still on my feet! Though off of them much more than I would be normally.
• I think we have musical babies – I went to a choir concert on Sunday night and they were GOING CRAZY! As a music person myself, this makes me happy!
• Nursery is coming together.

The “Bad”

• Sleep has been lacking.  I’m either waking or getting up 5-6x a night to pee or reposition myself because my hips/legs/butt have fallen asleep. Rolling to a new position is starting to become interesting, albeit amusing. Everyone tells me to sleep while I can, but that’s been easier said than done.
• That shortness of breath is starting to kick in. I seem to notice it more in the morning, strangely.

The Weird and Amusing

• Our c-section is scheduled for May 14 – just shy of 38 weeks. Yeah, right.
• Babies movements have been changing. I’m feeling fewer “kicks” and more “rolls”. These rolls, particularly with two, can be quite crazy.Remember the alien thing I mentioned last week? Well this week its worse. I swear something is trying to crawl out of my stomach. I even got a couple movements this week that were a bit painful.
• Shortness of breath makes my job as a Speech Therapist – you know cuz I’m talking all day – interesting. A couple days ago I’m trying to teach one of my kids the “sh” sound and had to stop because it was making me lightheaded.
• I’m not looking forward to the point where I run out of episodes of “Love it or List it” to watch. I will be said when they start recycling.
• Literally about all I have energy for during the week is work. Even that is a struggle. After I get home? Pffft. My  butt is imprinting the couch.
• It looks like someone shoved a beach ball up my shirt
• Has anyone watched the show “Preachers Daughters”? You should. For real.

This week by then numbers:

Number of nightly bathroom visits: 3-5

Number of times I’ve been told I’m about to pop: zero (odd)

Number of times I’ve been told I don’t look pregnant from behind: 3

well shit, I guess they’re right

New pic at Bubbles and Squishy

Showers Part 2

We had our second shower a week after the first. Having been to one the week before made it no less weird. I still walked in the door, admired the decorations and felt like I was celebrating for someone else.

The first thing I noticed was the super cute (and deliciously yummy) cake:

Hoooo’s ready to party?

My awesome host and her son

How cute is that food table? I especially liked the cupcakes with the Oreos for eyes. Unfortunately I didn’t get a close up picture.

The game we played I have to say was totally unfair as it required a functional memory. She had put an assortment of baby things in a cute bag and we had 10 seconds to commit as many to memory as possible. Considering I can’t even be counted on to pay my electric bill consistently, I felt I was at a distinct disadvantage.

I lost.

But its cool, because I (well, the babies) still got presents

A few of my favorites included some personalized stuff and the MamaRoo- it came highly recommended by a friend of Bryan’s step mom and so she bought us one. I have to admit it looks awfully comfy and a friend already commented on how she’d like to try it except it probably has a weight limit. We also got tons of diapers – never in my life did I imagine excitement over diapers, but I squealed YAY DIAPERS every time. One of many strange firsts to come I am sure. (I’m particularly excited about our first squeal over baby poo. Bryan laughed at me when I mentioned it. I told him to just wait)

It is amazing how much stuff we got. In fact, by the time my parents get us some of what we didn’t get, there honestly won’t be that much left we have to buy. Except my one picky item – the super expensive Bob double jogging stroller.

My running buddy – you may have seen her in last years marathon training posts

My super cool neighbors

The showers were exactly what I’d imagined they would be. Our babies are spoiled already and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

 

Aliens and Appetites (30 weeks)

The Good

• Just two more weeks till the next big milestone I’m shooting for: 32 weeks.
• At our last OB appt they did an ultrasound and per the tech’s measurements Abby has caught back up and is no longer 5 oz smaller. As of last Friday her estimated weight was 2 lb 13 oz and his was 2 lb 14 oz, which means I’m already carrying almost 6 lbs of baby. I look like it, too.
• I have been very lucky so far and have experienced minimal physical discomfort. I’m more just tired. And yes, I realize there is still time.
• The nursery is painted! Hoping hubby will put cribs together this weekend so we can decorate and finish setting up everything.

The “Bad”

• I really wish these stupid Braxton Hicks would stop. I know this isn’t going to happen but one can wish anyway. Some days they are just exasperating.
• I really suck at getting thank you notes out in a timely manner.

The Weird and Amusing

• Pregnant eating – because if the food falls, there is no way it’s going to make it to my lap.

• 

  I dropped salsa 3x and totally proved my theory correct

• I got a highly amusing voicemail from the OB’s office yesterday asking when I’d like to schedule my c-section…..after May 12. May 12 is 37.5 weeks. I’ve never thought I would make it that long. I guess only time will tell, and I”ll go ahead and schedule it on the off chance that actually happens.
• Movements have shifted some to include more rolling like movements. These are visible from the outside if you watch closely and creepily somewhat resemble what looks like an Alien trying to break free. (ET phone home?)
• My first trimester appetite is back. I want to eat ALL THE FOOD. Hey, can I have a bite of that?
• I  keep getting told that I don’t look pregnant from behind. While I really appreciate this sentiment- what does pregnant from behind look like anyway?

This Week By The Numbers

• Number of swift kicks to the bladder: 4
• Number of comments on how I look like I’m going to give birth soon: 2 (can’t wait to see the count on this one in a few more weeks)
• Number of backtrack comments that I look small for twins: 2
• Number of times I’m up at night to pee: 3-5
• Number of pds gained: 31

A Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words

My parents keep old photo albums in the basement, and sometimes when we are visiting I make a trip downstairs and flip through them. Some are of them, some of me, some of my sister, and some of people I don’t know. I’ve seen these pictures a thousand times and yet I look at them again anyway. Most are of pictures from when I’m too young to remember, or was only “a twinkle in my mothers’ eye” so they say.

When Bryan and I got married, it was a small celebration involving about 12 people, a day of planning, buying wedding bands at a pawn shop (no, I’m not kidding) and my best friends living room. But I had forgotten to take my camera. Luckily one of my friends had one and took a few photos for us:

They turned out nicely, but I have always since wished I had hired a photographer of some kind. Even if it was just to get a few nice, frame-able photos of the two of us.

Personally, I like to pretend I can take pictures, but I can’t. I mean I can capture a couple smiles like everyone else but the scope of my “talent” pretty much ends there.

I can filter an Instagram photo with the best of ‘em, though.  Everyone looks skinnier, happier and blemish free after adding Lo Fi or Amaro to an Iphone photo.

The point is, after the long awaited positive pregnancy test I knew I wanted professional maternity photos, especially since all of our pictures are captured on Iphone and Instagram filtered. I tried to do some research on “poses” but got freaked out by the vast number of bare belly pictures (just not my thing) and decided that I should just let the professional do her thing. It was much less stressful for me this way, anyway. I hadn’t met the photographer before but she came highly recommended by a friend who promised it would be worth the money. (She was totally right) We had them taken yesterday and she mentioned providing us with a password to review them online in 2-3 weeks, but didn’t mention she’d be posting some sneak peeks. I received an email from the friend who recommended her this morning with these attached.

Yes, admittedly, the title of this blog post is cliche and overused. But also perfect. Just these four pictures express so much.

These bears were given to us by my grandfather a few weeks before he passed away

Happiness.

Peace.

Blessed.

Love.

And so much else.

I can’t wait to get the rest in a few weeks.