A little Q and A

I was tagged in this fun question game by Future Fords and The Stork Diaries, and since I’ve been such a blog slacker lately, I’m being lazy and combining them both into one post.

Here are the rules:

1. Post the rules.
2. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post.
3. Create 11 new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged.
4. Tag 11 people and link them to your post.
5. Let them know you’ve tagged them.

I’m cheating here because I’m gonna answer the questions, but because this seems to have made its way around already I’m not going to tag anyone. However, if you’d like to participate, comment and I’ll make you some questions!!

1. What is your all-time favorite food? Chocolate!

2. If you went to college, what was your major? If not, what was your favorite subject in high school?

I actually majored in Speech Pathology in undergrad, too. And just for kicks, my favorite subject in high school was psychology. I almost majored in it, but figured Id’ be a horrible therapist because I’d be the kind of person to blame myself if someone got worse.

3. If you could change one thing about your physical appearance, what would it be?

I’d get rid of some of my million moles. They. are. everywhere. Seriously.

4. Beach or mountains?

Mountains. I live near the beach

5. What is your favorite color?

Blue

6. How tall are you?

5’3″

7. If you could go any one place in the world (money is not a factor) where would you choose to go?

Australia – I have no idea why. I have just always wanted to go there.

8. Who is the biggest role model in your life?

I don’t really have just one. I really try to follow in the footsteps of those I admire and avoid the mistakes I watch others make that I don’t want to repeat. I am not always successful, however.

9. When you die, how do you want to be remembered?

I want to be remembered for my sense of humor and ability to make people laugh. In other words, funny.

10. Do you have a favorite quote? If so, what is it?

I used to keep a book of quotes in high school – I wish I could remember some of them. I think this is more of a saying than a quote, but my most recent favorite is “I don’t stop when I’m tired, I stop when I’m done.”

11. Make up your own question!

Random fact: I am nutty about my pens. I only like fine point pens. DO NOT STEAL MY PEN!

 

1.  Finish the sentence:  Don’t look now, but _______________________________.

purple elephant zebra!  (I couldn’t think of anything)

2. What household product or beauty product do you prefer not to live without?

Hmm tough one, as I don’t have a particular preference. Generally, I’d go nuts without hairspray –  I have curly hair and an irrational fear of poufy hair. Enough said.

3.  Open your closet.  Most of your clothes are what color?

Blue

4. Wedge sandals or tennis shoes?

Depends on the outfit.

5. What is your favorite flower?

Gerbera Daisy

6. Do you any allergies?  Care to share what they are?

UGH yes, but I dunno what they are in particular. I think just seasonal.

7. What is your favorite season?

Fall – one thing I miss about living up north is the leaves changing colors.

8. Which TV family, past or present, do you think your future family will be most like?

Modern Family – The Dunfees (or however you spell it). For real.

9.  On average, how many hours do you spend on the internet each day?

I’m ashamed to answer. At least 2, on average.

10.  Ice-cream or popsicle stick?

Sherbet!

11.  Create your own question, please!

Random factoid: Once I find a song I like, I can listen to it over and over and over and over again. In fact, I often have to reset the play count on my itunes, because I’m embarrassed at how many times I’ve listened to it!

Comment if you’d like me to make you questions!

I’m Feeling Funky

Image Credit

That is absolutely what I imagined in my head when I typed out my title.

Unfortunately, I don’t feel funky chicken funky. I feel….not myself funky. Like out of whack. Actually, I think the chicken above describes me quite well on a normal day, but lately I’ve felt like a funky chicken slightly drugged on sleeping pills or something…without actually taking any sleeping pills.

More than one thing could account for this. I haven’t run in almost 2 weeks, and while I’m still getting exercise, it just isn’t quite the same. Strangely though I don’t remember feeling like this when I tried it over the summer, but perhaps it’s because I hate running over the summer due to the intense humidity. (Running in a sauna? No thank you) I’ve also started getting up 30-45 minutes earlier 2-3 days a week to get to the gym before work, but all in all I just feel more tired and less motivated. I feel like my writing sucks and I can’t really get it together.

I took two naps today, though, and they were fabulous.

The weekend was a great one. I had a blast at a birthday party Friday night and it was nice to let myself hang loose for once.

And Bryan and I finally spent some gift cards we got for Christmas on some new knives. The old ones were starting to get chinks taken out of the metal, and at the risk of death I figured….better get new knives. We also got some new bathroom rugs, and decided to fork over an extra $50 to change up the bedroom a bit:

On a side note, I took a walk with a neighbor today and a couple of kids were playing in the driveway drinking KoolAid Bursts, and I had this strange desire to drive to the store and buy some, and some sidewalk chalk. Except I’m a horrible drawer. Ask anyone who plays me on Draw Something.

Anyone up for some jacks?

Normally I’d try to tie all this together and make it funny somehow, but its just not happening today. It’s been a nice, relaxing weekend, and I’m glad for that, but I hope I’ll feel more like the dancing chicken next week.

Hurry Up and Wait

I was a nerd in high school.

I’m on the top left

Actually, I’m still a nerd, but that’s totally not the point. That picture up there is my senior year of high school colorguard. Luckily, we were not required to wear those hideous uniforms all 4 years, but wore them for “senior day” and performed part of our freshman halftime show. We nicknamed them the smurf suits if I remember correctly. (They were this weird pants suit with a half skirt that we often held over our heads as a ridiculous semi-cape) We were a competition band and I loved it (nerd). Marching band consisted of a lot of “hurry up and wait” i.e. hurry the heck up and make sure you are totally ready, but we aren’t actually performing for 2 more hours, so then you have to wait.

This is what infertility is starting to feel like.

Who am I kidding? Starting to is the understatement of the decade. I’ve been “ready” forever, but somehow it feels as though I’m never done waiting. For the next RE appointment,for the next time to ovulate, for the next time to count down the days hoping but trying not to hope too hard so you won’t be too disappointed when you find out you have to keep waiting.

One of the things I’ve sort of “prided” myself on has been my ability to maintain somewhat of a sense of humor through all of this madness. I’m finding it harder to keep in touch with recently. I felt positive about news of our tax refund and its’ ability to help us finance this IVF, but it appears that we have hit yet another financial roadblock. I know I’ve mentioned previously my tendency to have “catastrophe brain”, and it seems to be working on overdrive.

What doesn’t make sense to me is the fact that it was *my* decision and *I* decided to wait.

Welcome to the Wide World of Ridiculous Infertility Emotions, starring: me, directed by: my crazy emotional brain.

Act One/Scene One:

Yes I understand emotionally, financially and logically the benefit of waiting

Act One/Scene Two:

I’m annoyed, impatient, bitter and jealous and I don’t want to wait anymore.

Act Two/Scene One:

It’s not a big deal

Act Two/Scene Two:

It is a big deal.

rinse/repeat

The End

No autographs, please.

Also, I am officially diagnosing myself with Infertility Induced Bipolar Disorder. (IIPD)

Mama Said There’d Be Days Like This

I’ve gotten many comments recently about my positivity (is that a word? It is now) and frame of mind regarding this IVF.

I feel like a bit of a fake, because I’m not always that positive. In fact, things have taken a bit of an unanticipated dip in the emotions department. Initially, when we decided to go through with the IVF, I felt better, more at peace, and even a little excited to be pursuing what is going to be our best chance at achieving pregnancy. I didn’t anticipate what a pain in the @$$ it would be to not only pay for the procedure, but try to decide which method would be best. And I didn’t anticipate this sudden, somewhat paralyzing fear of it failing.

And by failing, I mean more heartache.

I’ve read lots of blogs over the last few months. There is so much heartache in infertility, and not just in the inability to get pregnant, but the procedures, the ups and downs while waiting to find out if it worked, finding out it didn’t work, and worst of all, finding out it DID work, only to miscarry later. That is the heartache I fear the most. And I’m not going to lie, knowing that I have to pay over the next several years for these procedures, whether they work or not, doesn’t help much. Like a constant reminder of what didn’t happen.

I have seen and heard about one too many (all are too many) losses or complications in the last several weeks, and it’s been messing with my head. While I still 100% think that not trying would ultimately be more costly than trying, I really didn’t anticipate all this fear going into it. I know when all is said and done that it’s just money. But I feel like I’m handing a little bit of my heart over with the credit card, leaving it in the hands of fertility doctors, nurses, financial advisors, and God. I’m hoping that this is like the walls I hit while training for a marathon, where I push through it even thought I don’t want to, because I know that it won’t last forever and will be worth it in the end.

Please let it be worth it in the end.

Life After the Marathon

My first week in 18 weeks with no scheduled runs (well, except the one I scheduled with a friend, for fun) and I was excited about the idea of being able to sleep in this Saturday morning.

Naturally, I woke up on my own at 6:30am.

Interestingly, many marathon runners talk about “Post Marathon Blues”. I found quite a few articles and also quite a few blogs on the topic. When you follow a running plan for 4+ months, and suddenly it isn’t there, it’ s weird. When your life is almost literally scheduled around training and suddenly its gone, it’s weird. Almost empty, like something is missing. Running has an addictive quality to it. Distance running especially, as you can experience the “runners high” more than once during a long run (or none at all during a particularly crappy one, it is a bit of a gamble). Personally, I think signing up for a couple 5k’s in the next few weeks and changing focus to having a family helps, but its totally legit……and I admit I do feel a little…..unorganized. I found myself just a mere few days later, researching half marathons. I was seriously considering the Diva Half Marathon in Myrtle Beach….because any half marathon involving a tiara, roses and a boa would totally rule (yes, I said it would rule), until I realized that not only is it the same weekend as my sisters college graduation, but that I will hopefully be newly pregnant from our IVF, and therefore not going to happen. I’m supposed to be taking a break from long runs. I think I have an addiction.

Hi, my name is Theresa, and I am a run-aholic.

Maybe I can get a rollerbladers high? Or a yogi-high? Or perhaps a bikers-high?

And most importantly, what am I going to blog about on Saturdays?

The phenomenon seems to happen because you spend months planning and following a schedule with an ultimate goal in mind: to finish a marathon, to take a vacation, to buy a house, but get so wrapped up in the planning of the actual event that you forget to plan for afterwards. And for those of you who are balking at the thought of all this planning, it must be a runner thing. Or a Type A personality thing. Take your pick.

Admittedly, I have some mixed emotions. It was a bit sad to reset the 4:10 time on my watch.  There is a definite strange emptiness to not having a planned run 4 days a week at a certain distance or a goal, but I’m looking forward to strapping on my rollerblades periodically instead of my running shoes. Or take a yoga class, join a gym again and dance awkwardly at Zumba, or hop on my lovely pink and purple bike on Saturday morning.

I’ll still be running though. I have a couple small races in mind until we get knee deep in IVF. It’s in my blood. And I’m pretty sure that when I do have a child, he or she is going to come running out of the womb and into my jogging stroller. While I do miss the training a little, I’m looking forward to what’s next.

Plus some rollerblading.

(And no, its not just for the 80′s anymore)

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*For those participating in ICLW with Blogger and Blogspot blogs – I am having issues leaving comments. It simply won’t let me. If you have commented on my blog, most likely I have attempted to comment back without success. Anyone else having this issue??

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Don’t Let Me Write a Love Song

I’ve always been an avid music lover.

I started taking piano lessons at a young age, and violin lessons in 5th grade. In high school, I was in choir, marching band, and orchestra. I played in the pit orchestra for music theatre (also in high school). I still sing in a community choir and play Fur Elise when I can get my hands on a piano.

I love music because it can represent and express a wide range of emotions. From sadness and depression to joy, to confusion, to anger to laughter. It’s comforted me during hard times in my life and I’ve belted out the best of the love ballads, rock songs and Top 40 hits in my car and while cleaning the house. It helps me get through runs and organize my thoughts while writing the more difficult blogs.

Music rocks. (pun intended)

There isn’t much else to do in your car while driving 11 hours through the night but listen to music. Bryan was in the drivers seat and so had the controls of the radio. Luckily, we have similar taste in music so I wasn’t forced to listen to Country Music Radio (sorry Country lovers) when I was actually awake. For awhile, he was tuned to a R &B station.

Rap, while not my least favorite, is not my favorite either. Mostly because I can’t understand a darn word the guys are saying. This one particular song I remember had this weird background sound that reminded me of a squeaky shoe or dog toy. The sad part was, I could see where it could be a decent running song, but since I couldn’t understand a word and am pretty sure I’m not going to turn up a result using a search: “rap song squeaky shoe sound”, I guess I’ll have to leave that one to memory.

Then Bryan starts to laugh. What is so funny? Apparently either the song said or he interpreted the following line: “She’s so cool she gives head with her shades on”

I guess we are measuring cool differently these days. Or we are totally misinterpreting the lyrics. Like that commercial where the guy is singing “Pour Some Sugar On Me” but actually sings “Shook up Ramen” so he calls the librarian to look up the lyrics. (Thankfully we have Google for that now)

I personally enjoy an interesting mix of music. I tend to listen to alot of Top 40 type songs because they tend to have fast paces for running. Once I decide I like a song, I can play it over and over again. Oddly, most of my favorite songs I picked out because of the background music. Adele’s “Set Fire to the Rain” is a good example. I decided I liked the lyrics after the background music. I enjoy Adele  because her lyrics have meaning beyond giving head with shades on.

Some songs just crack me up. Take “I’m Sexy and I Know It” for instance. I actually thought it was serious for awhile until someone told me about the music video. Then it just became funny. Another thing I like to do is take song lyrics and mess with them. Last night in the wee hours of the morning in the car, I made my own version.

Girl look at that body

Girl look at that body

Girl look at that body

I eat out

When I walk in McDonalds

This is what I see

Everybody stops and stares at me

I got a fat roll in my pants and I aint afraid to show it (show it, show it)

I’m a fatty and I know it

Eat your heart out, Weird Al.

Then there are the love songs. If you really listen to the lyrics of some of them it tends to point to an unhealthy relationship. I really like Bruno Mars’ new song “It Will Rain”, (which by the way, we heard 6 times on the trip) and Ill totally blast it out along to the radio, but the idea of sunlight and blue sky being dependent on the presence of another person is  bit scary. (I say this knowing that losing someone can feel akin to that….I’m just reading it more literally for comedic value). Don’t get me wrong, I love the song, and I’m betting that my version won’t hit the Top 40 charts anytime soon:

If you ever leave me baby

I’ll wave goodbye from my front door

Cuz even though I want you I don’t need you

Even though I’ll be sad I don’t have you anymore

I guess his lyrics are a bit more heartfelt and effective.

No, I won’t be quitting my day job anytime soon.

December ICLW

Happy December ICLW!

If you’ve never visited before, a brief intro: (a more complete bio can me found at About Me and TTC Timeline)

My blog is about a little of everything, but mainly IF, running and humor for the time being.

I’m 29 and DH is 34 .Our infertility struggle is shared. I was recently diagnosed with PCOS and a blocked tube. Thankfully I still ovulate on my own. Dh has low sperm count and is currently taking HCG shots in hopes for more swimmers. His first post shot SA showed 5 million. Our last SA showed nearly 10 million swimmers. His last visit, the doc told him ” all is going well”. I’m not exactly sure what that means. We’ve been back and forth about what to do next and are taking a small break right now. I haven’t blogged as much about IF recently in order to give my brain a break.  VA endo says treatments could take up to a year to take effect. Our options right now are to wait it out, or do IVF. Recently, we agreed to give the shots till my 30th birthday. Until then, I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

I’m also training for my 2nd marathon. Running has helped keep me sane through all of this and I figured that if we were waiting some things out anyway, what the heck? Race day is 4 weeks away.

Thanks for reading

Some things you might not know about me

A big thanks to Cease and Decyst AND Scrambled Eggs for

And the cool thing is it’s my 40th post so seems like cool coincidence.

Let’s break down the rules:

1. Thank the person who awarded you.
2. List 7 things people may not know about you.
3. Pass it on to 15 (!) other bloggers and don’t forget to notify them.

I’m still a bit new to blog world and am not even sure I follow 15 blogs, many of which already have this award. So I’m going to list 7 since, in my brain, that fits better with listing 7 things about yourself anyway. If you already got the award and I wasn’t aware well, then you get it twice. WOO HOO! Also, if you don’t feel like following along, no biggie. But since you’re all following me, I’m counting on you to find yourself

First, my 7 things:

1. I am named after my grandmother (my mother’s mother…..my dad’s mother’s name was Awilda….I love her, but no) and my middle name was after my aunt. Unfortunately, I never got to meet either. They both died before I was born.

2. My interest in running started in college as a way to deal with stress. In high school, I thought running was stupid. (Though in high school, everything is stupid). Even after I started, I thought marathon runners? Were crazy.

3. I have 3 addictions: my cell phone, chap stick and q-tips. (to clean my ears, and yes I know its not the best idea). I will make a special trip or a special stop if I discover I don’t have a chap stick. And not just any chap stick, its gotta be the medicated kind. Preferably Burts Bees.

4. I was born with straight hair. It always had a little body, but it was straight. In 7th grade, I got a perm. Probably the most permanent perm I’ve ever heard of, because last time I checked, my hair is still curly.

5. I walked into the car dealership to buy my car by myself, with my hair in pigtails.

6. My itunes playlist has quite the interesting mix of things. I’ll listen to everything from heavy metal to Enya, depending on what I feel like

7. In 9th grade, I befriended a foreign exchange student who was unhappy with her current placement. Shortly thereafter, I talked my parents into hosting her. We hosted 2 students while I was in high school (Finland and Germany) and my parents hosted 2 more after that (Norway and Japan). My mom still volunteers for the organization. I’d like to host an exchange student myself one day. I still keep in fairly consistent touch with the first student. It was a really cool experience.

And now for my list!

1. Still Counting Stars

2. Running in Mommyland

3. Daydreaming in Progress

4. Relaxed No More

5. Glass Half Full

6. Mommy Odyssey

7. The Stork Diaries

Thanks and Thorns

Something happened. A few days ago it was Halloween. Then I blinked and it was Thanksgiving.

Scary because they say time only goes faster as you get older.

So it’s a day of Thanks, and my visit from Aunt Flo came. And, like other annoying relatives, showed up early and unannounced. The perpetual thorn of infertility is particularly stabby today. So while I’m certainly NOT saying I that I’m not blessed or don’t have things to be thankful for, I’m not feeling particularly thankful right now, (except for Ibproufen) but I’m gonna try.

I did get a pleasant surprise last night, though. An understanding hubby took me out for chocolate cake.  We also went to Target for a book….and walked out with like 10 things (see, I told you), and I was apparently nominated for a blog award. Cool!

I recall seeing this little guy on other blogs I’d visited and thought ” I wonder how I get a blog award”

The idea behind this particular one is the word Leibster, the German word for beloved or favorite. It’s designed particularly for blogs with 200 followers or less (when I read this I thought – people seriously have 200 followers? Mine just doubled to 13 and I was really excited!) to encourage further attention and followers. It is a bit chain-letter-y, which I’m usually not into, but frankly I was excited to think there was someone out there who liked my blog enough to nominate me, and I figured it would be a cool thing to do for someone else. Plus now I get that cool pic up there to put on my sidebar

My nominator, Daydreaming in Progress, totally made my day yesterday.

The rules:

1. Copy and paste the award on your blog.
2. Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who gave it to you.
3. Reveal your top 5 picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.
4. Hope that your followers will spread the love to other bloggers.

My top 5: (and my apologies if I pick you and you already have 200 followers, I couldn’t find anything that indicated the number)

1. Relaxed No More- an infertility blog. We seem to have a similar sense of humor

2. The Elusive Second Line – a blog about infertility. She’s been very supportive of my own blog and I’m happy to pass the support along!

3. Running in Mommyland – a blog about a mom training for her first marathon! You go girl! And if I remember correctly, conceived her twins through IVF.

4. Living Our Life in Cycles – I actually found this one (or she found me), through ICLW. A runner taking a break from running to peruse the journey of infertility. Stupid infertility.

5. Running is Magical - fellow runner who recently finished her 2nd ( I think ) half marathon and is currently training for a 3rd.  Way to go!

And even though I’m not in a great mood today, I’m going to share 5 things I’m thankful for:

1. My husband. He’d sell his soul if he knew it would make me happy. He is absolutely one of the most caring men I know and I don’t tell him enough how much I appreciate that (I guess I should email him a link to my blog

2. My ability to run. It seriously keeps my stress and sanity in check.

3. This blog. It’s helped immensely. And I love making people laugh

4. All of the support I have gotten from my friends, even though I’ve had a tendency to be crabby more often than usual in the last few months

5. Pinterest. Because how else would I find funny and ridiculous relevent pictures to share?

Happy Turkey Day Everyone!

Hope for Magic Hormones

For those of you who did not attend my “sperm themed” surprise birthday party this year….hold on….don’t leave yet. I don’t mean it exactly like you’re thinking……

As part of the ridiculous amounts of testing you undergo for infertility, of course one is where they check the mans’ sperm count, motility (ability to swim) and morphology (do they look normal – two heads is bad). Several months ago Bryan was prescribed some testosterone injections.  Little did we know this injection was causing the pituitary gland to malfunction and stop sending a message to the correct body part (if you think about it you’ll get my drift) to produce sperm. After 6 months off, we have a sperm count of around 5 million. (There is wide variety in what is “normal”, but generally at least 40-60 million).

He’s been getting testing done at the VA hospital and a few days before my birthday told him they would be supplying him with 3x weekly shots of HcG (essentially the pregnancy hormone) to help increase sperm count….and this is where the fun part comes in:

I walked into the house on my birthday to a big group of people and a party complete with:

Sperm shaped cheese

 

 

 

 

 

An “oddly” shaped pinana (which I will refrain from posting a picture of as I don’t want to insult anyone)

AND this fabulous cake:

along with the announcement that he would be receiving these shots so we can hopefully still try to give this a go without fertility treatment. (Any man willing to make this announcement in front of a group of our mutual friends is an awesome one!)

Its been about 6 weeks so far and we find out Wednesday if they have had any effect yet.

*Fingers Crossed*